Indecisive [h.s.]

chapter 13

It felt surreal.

Every air of breath I took filled my spirit more and more. This was a dream I never thought I'd experience but I was here, I was living the dream.

I hadn't even noticed how quiet Harry had been he hadn't spoken since we had left the airport until now, he seemed like such a confident person when he was on stage but as of now, he appeared to not talk much which was confusing. We were back in a car again, to our hotel to drop off our belongings and head back out I was hoping I had time to do an outfit change, I wore one of my comfiest dresses that now seemed so casual, it didn't match the theme, the vibe New York gave, which made me grateful that I had packed a red leather piece with some black tied knee-high boots even though it was very out there, I wanted him to see me in it.

"what are you thinking?"

he finally broke the silence looking down on her.

"nothing what do you mean"

for a second it went back to silence.

"go do what you gotta do ill wait here"

he could sense her thinking about something, you could see the ideas leaving the top of her head, she didn't want to come off as grateful by such a little thing, but she was. Then off she went pacing up the staircase to find the nearest bathroom, I mean this place was huge someone was bound to get themselves lost. She didn't waste time to get changed or to refresh her makeup, after all, he did come across as the impatient kind, he hadn't shown it.

"wow"

only mutters under breath was deemed quiet, but he didn't go unheard. A small smirk left the corner of her mouth but only got bigger once his did.

"you ready to go?"

"go where?"

"let me guess your not a fan of surprises?"

"no, I'm not. But I'll make a slight exception"

"because of me?"

there's an exciting stutter In her heartbeat.

"because of the situation don't flatter yourself"

standing up raising her eyebrows to get his attention and to get him to lead the way. He notices straight away leading her out of the entrance doors reaching a hand up to his skin rubbing the sides of his mouth to hide any expression he'd shown.

sneaking around staying hidden in the city
was surprising, Harry's idea. Something to do with paparazzi and having some privacy from time to time but that didn't stop the odd few cameras catching a glimpse. He grabbed 2 glasses of what appeared to be champagne from a tray a server was carrying, handing her one while whispering something to his security guard close to his ear just before directing his attention back.

"do you get seasick yes or no?"

"do I get to answer"

looking over to the noise on the left. The cruise liner was easily the biggest yacht I had ever seen up close. 4 stories high and nearly 500 feet long. It had an intimidating presence that took one's breath away. I stepped into the line, behind groups of excited couples, fancy business men, and large groups of girls completely dolled up in beautiful silk dresses and crazy high heels which matched each other's colour schemes. As the line ascended the ramp onto this enormous water vessel I couldn't focus my attention on anything but the size of it and how it seemed so daunting the closer I stepped forward. I was pretty anxious. I'd never been on a boat like this.

"what are you doing?"

it happened to be so easy to zone out I hadn't realised he had already said my name before I clicked on his voice.

"what do you mean what are you doing?"

"well are you coming? we gotta board, the night is young but time is precious"

It was easy to forget he had 'privileges' and that we didn't have to wait.

"you are so cringe"

"shut the fuck up"

was I suppose to like that?

"so?"

"so?"

"what's your story?"

the silence was suffering, regardless of the amount of space you felt here.

she was sat on a side of the booths which formed in a circle around the inside of the Terrance on the top of the boat, facing the waves below alight by a golden reflection from hundreds of fairy lights hanging above. He looked back on her biting his lip; creases formed upon his forehead.

"Huh?"

"You know your story... your background, your family life, how you got to where you are now-"

His body shuddered under her words immediately tensing afterwards, like he was putting up a wall between them.

"I don't want to talk about any of that. So don't ask that type of question ever again"

Those words felt like glass pushing through her chest, so aggressive yet understandable all in once.

Why did he shut me off like that, cut me off with such pain like he had regrets or secrecy he wanted to protect like he became vulnerable with such a simple question if it wasn't already weird that she was in another country with him he wanted to also make the conversation weird too?

"Sorry for asking Jesus it was just a question, you know a way to talk to you seen as you wanna be all quiet"

"Yeah, don't even think about it again do you understand?"

"don't ever speak to me like that again. Do you understand?"

Leaving before he had even the chance to breathe.

Maybe this trip was a bad idea? What was I thinking? Going to a completely different city with an arsehole oh yeah what a great decision that was. Good job, I mean I could blame Sarah she was the one who told me to go then again my common sense should have kicked in a lot sooner than right now.

All she had to do was to find his driver and go back to the hotel sleep this off then leave early in the morning, then pretend it was all a dumb ass dream.

Getting back to the room felt relieving or taking off the heels did. New York was so peaceful on a night staring at the city through the window wall, the streetlights dimmed, the building lights flashing filling the streets with character, with love. The door slammed slamming shut even harder.

"Why did you fuck off like that are you trying to embarrass me?"

"don't even say that. You embarrassed me talking to me like that when all I did was ask a question to get to know you better to you know to learn about you seen as I have told you so much about me seen as that's the whole reason we're here because I told you about wanting to come here. You could have simply said now wasn't the right time, you could have told me you felt uncomfortable for some reason or tell me why you didn't want to talk about you but if you think for one minute talking to a girl, talking to me like that will get you anywhere then-"

And before she could continue, he grabbed her face and pulled her in, kissing her once again but this time with passion, with meaning. Like he was having the conversation with his lips like he was explaining everything he wanted to say, everything she felt like he was holding back with just one touch. Regardless of how angry she felt, she was not pulling back from this one, not when it felt this good. Moving into his kiss with her waist focusing on his mouth, she remembered this now. How soft his lips felt, how warm his touch was, how safe his hands felt on her cheeks. She was so angry she craved this, he was rude and stubborn, closed off and so unemotionally sane to just talk to her, this wasn't right but felt it in every way possible.