I woke up quite thirsty. I rose from the bed the night still dark as ever. I heard someone downstairs proceeding a little faster. Avery sat in her chair looking over a piece of paper.
"Writing?" I asked.
She looked a little spooked her dark eyes empty with lack of sleep. She wasn't her normal self beyond tired.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"5 am. I thought this would be the best time to work on it. I never have time during the day. Plus I think better at night. Maybe?" She said unsure of herself.
"You okay?" I asked worriedly.
"Just trying to finish my wedding vow."
"Oh." I said sitting beside her at the low table the light shinning on her beautiful freckled face.
"I can't quite get the words. Wanna help?"
"Definitely." I said sifting in my hair.
"I'll read it out loud to find mistakes easier. If you managing to hear this that means we made it. Josh, out of everyone I know you've been through a lot. I don't know how you manage to go through life with your head held so high. I guess the quote things happen for a reason was right." She said stopping suddenly. "That's it. I wanna change it. He hates it when I dwell. Especially on things like Fi."
"Why?" I asked curious.
"For awhile I blamed myself. You know thinking I'm pushing him into this , or you left cause I was taking Mickey. Everything always linked to me in my brain." She said looking at her nails. "He is my everything, Ra. I love Josh so much. I can't mess this up."
"You won't mess it up. The vow was beautiful."
"But not enough. What if this is the issue. I can't give him everything. What if he runs out of love for me."
"Runs out?" I asked as if love was sand in a time capsule. "Is this about your parents?"
"20 years. They were married 20 years when my dad decides it's over. He cheated on her for 4 months. She knew. I knew she knew. She brushed it off, because she had two kids. He rather have a cute bubble blonde then his own daughter."
"He is coming to the wedding?"
"No, says he can't make it." She said standing up. "That asshole left my mother and then said I am too busy to see my daughter wedding ."
"Maybe it's was serious."
"Maybe." She said calming.
"Josh loves you. Just focus on that. And when you walk down the aisle remember just forget about it all and only focus on Josh."
She nodded smiling at me. "I'm really happy about you and Spencer. Don't know what he'll do when you leave."
"Yeah." I said looking at the marble counter. Oh god.
~~
I sat never managing to get any rest looking down at the counter. Thoughts swirling in my brain. Avery slept beside me the sun rising hours ago.
I got up in need of fresh not in the mood to socialize. I walked out to see Jersey early morning was beautiful. I walked slowly thinking with every step.
I had 6 days.
6 days to sort everything out.
"Don't know what he'll do when you leave?"
Probably won't care.
No, no no he loves me.
So did your dad? How did that turn out.
