"God, working is exhausted."
I sat at the hospital's main computer typing in a patient's status. I had made a life here in Pennsylvania. I had a few acquaintances and a solid job, however if I were to just suddenly disappear no one would notice.
I had no one here. No one to rely on, and honestly it was better this way.
"Raven!" Mindy said, she was a middle aged women with two kids. We got along well and sometimes we shared stories.
"Hm?" I said looking up from the large screen.
"I have Mr. Alkin's information the man with lung cancer."
"Is he doing okay?" I asked.
"Mr. Alkin?" She repeated. She shook her head. "I wish he was, Such a great man." She said walking off.
The worst part of the jobs was the life's lost. Not everyone got a success story. I think being a nurse helps me keep my promise with Fiona.
I may not be okay, and I may not be able to take care of Spencer. But I spend my days taking care of the sick for her. Help saving lives because I couldn't save hers.
"Still here Raven?" Connie asked.
"I'm taking extra hours; Going on vacation next week I won't be back for two weeks and bills gotta be paid."
"Shoot, Raven is taking time off."
"Yeah." I said laughing a little. "I've got a wedding back in Broadway."
"New Jersey." She said with awe. "Well maybe there you'll loosen up; Find a honey." She said walking off.
I hadn't gotten to know many people here, but I felt like all the staff was like a small family in a sense. I hadn't taken time off never having a reason.
I hardly got sick (I never went anywhere in order to get sick). I never took vacation (I had no where to go). I never had anything.
I spent my days consumed in my own guilt and regret. It got so bad I got counciling. Sure it helped, but meds are nothing like Spencer's hugs.
I missed him, us. He was my everything, and the worst part is when I left I really hurt him. The pain in his eyes were filled with so much sadness it almost killed me.
I grabbed at my rubber band snapping it back. I looked around making sure no one noticed my mini panic attack. I got up realizing my shift was over.
I wanted to believe once I got to New Jersey there would be no hard feelings, but I couldn't pretend. When I left nothing was the same. Based on the way Mickey speaks about them I'm sure they've gotten better. Josh stopped being so angry, Avery stopped crying, Spencer moved on, and I left.
When it all got too hard I tapped out. I left them just to keep a promise. I walked out of the hospital thinking about Spencer's fluffy hair and box glasses. His beautiful personality and love for beanies.
I remembered the feel of his soft palm. His forever minty breath (because of his love for mints). I sat in my jeep unable to move.
I could feel the tears fall from my eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to wipe them. I looked down at the steering wheel trying to calm down.
But how could I pretend. How could I believe I could go back without drama. I could turn back time, and have Spencer love me again.
Have his wet minty lips against mine.
How the hell could I be so stupid.
♢♢♢♢♢♢
A/n
Extra Chapter for tonight!!
