I decided to leave the house and visit my father. I went alone unlike before Spencer only taking me. We sat around watching tv before he started asking questions.
"How was college life?" He asked sitting on the couch left of me.
I always dreaded this question. Lying was a skill I very much mastered, but I was tired of the repeated lies.
"Hard." I nodded looking down at my mug of coffee. "It was tough being alone."
"But it helped."
"It thought it would. It just made me feel worse."
"As in you hurt yourself more?"
I looked at him confused as to how he knew to ask. I calmed myself waiting for his reason.
"Spencer told me. I understand if you don't-"
"I did." I said shifting in my recliner. "I did hurt myself. College changed me, but I'm better."
"I can tell; before I barely recognized you. Now you're my little Raven again."
"Do you know little Raven?" I asked looking at him now. "Did you even feel sorry. Because last time I checked you weren't sober for one minute of my childhood."
"I know but-"
"No, I'm not little Raven. Little Raven was a suffering child, but what I'm not dad is suffering. I'm not like mom! I'm not like little Raven! I'm not even fucking strong! Do you don't know me." I yelled standing up.
"Raven. I'm sorry. I assumed too much."
I sat down taking a breather. "Sorry, I just miss her you know. I always thought I was alone. Sure, Mickey missed her. But he didn't know her like we did."
"Me drinking was selfish, but we'll get better."
"But how?" I asked whipping single tears.
"By remaining truthful with one another. Raven you leaving was the best and worst thing to ever happen. I grew and learned. And now I'm ready to be your father."
"I don't think I'm ready." I said standing up. "I'm not ready to suddenly be okay."
I left his house to see Spencer's car sat in the driveway. I climbed in sitting beside me. "I told you not to wait."
"Well, apparently you were planning on it. How's Mr. Colven?"
"I'm not ready." I said softly.
"For?"
"Why do you think I'm strong?"
"You've been through a lot." He said confused by my behavior.
"Yeah, but I'm not okay. I'm not just brushing everything off. I use to cut. Who does that?! Who purposely hurts themselves. He wants to be my dad again, and I turned him down." I cried into my hands. I was so foolish.
"You did what?"
"Before, I was always making up for him. I am his daughter not his caretaker." I said looking up. "It's too late."
"Raven, give him-"
"No." I said sternly. I wiped my tears. I wasn't happy. The only thing he ever said that was right was: remain truthful .
So here I am daddy.
"Age thirteen, he ran over my bunny rabbit. Because he was driving drunk Spen. He was recklessly driving imagine if he got unlucky and killed someone. Age 15, he accidentally hit me with a bottle. I could go on forever." I spat remenimsing over his failure of parenthood. "But now he expects me to love him like a true father. When he did nothing for me."
