Here is a little trigger warning uh this chapter is a bit graphic I just wanted to like show you a bit of Raven's life before and after leaving. It does talk about her cutting, so if you don't want to read it just skip this chapter it's not going to ruin anything story wise.
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I sat drinking lemonade that morning always hating coffee unless it was filled with sugar.Mickey had sent me details of the wedding that I'd be leaving for in three days.
I tried my hardest to forget about Spencer, but I couldn't even keep from remembering good memories. I thought of his sweet voice and warm hugs.
The water from the outside of my mug dripped onto my hands dripping onto my counter. I watched as each droplet collided with the counter.
I stared at my arms for awhile. Their were small cuts on my wrist not too deep like I did when I was younger, but these were fresh. I rubbed my thumb over them wincing with pain.
"Promise to stop?" Spencer asked in a curious tone laying beside me.
We laid in the darkness of his room his dad quietly moving in the next room. "What?" I said confused.
"Promise me you'll stop cutting." He said randomly bringing up the topic.
I was only 15 when I started. At the time I was only a week clean then that was as long as I had ever been. "I can't promise you that." I said never being one to break promises.
"Well, promise to tell me. Don't hide it okay. I wanna know." He said seriously in a calming yet impatience tone.
"Okay." I said quickly. "I promise to tell you, and one day I'll promise to stop." I said not turning back to face him not needing to see his face.
Five years ago before Fiona died I believed I was done. I truly believe that was it. Once she got sick I messed up. I took a blade to my clean skin and cut until Spencer found me while doing it.
Since then I was clean. That was until college. During college I spent days without human contact. Spencer and I's teary goodbye was constantly replaying in my mind. At that time I was at my worst.
I no longer scrounging around for razors. I stick to one. I make sure when I cut its somewhat safe, because before I cut to kill now I cut cause it's the only way I know.
---
"Babe!" Spencer called out returning home with food.
"In the bathroom!" I yelled scrambling to put away my razor and clean up.
"I totally got a discou-" Spencer said opening the door. He breathed heavily just looking around the room, but not at my embarrassed face."I'll-I you okay?" was all he manged to say.
"I'm sorry." I croaked looking down at my arm dripping with cherry blood.
"No, ah." He knelt down beside the toilet I was sitting on. He grabbed a towel taking my arm in his putting it to the cuts.
"I haven't done in- it's just. Fiona." I said not having an excuse.
"Raven," He said looking up at me. "You don't owe we an explanation."
I watched as he carefully cleaned my arm. He got up to get a bandage as I stared blankly at the ground. "Do-You know she's going to die right?" I asked calmly.
"She talked to me." He said focusing on his task at hand. "She talked about her condition." He bit his lip bobbing his head. "And you." He let out.
"What she say?" I asked.
He turned around looking at me with his sad puppy dog eyes "She isn't going to make it Ra." He said tears welling in his eyes. "She is dying, and she wants me-" He tried to control the burning in his throat before continuing. "She wants me to take care of you."
I hugged him so his head laid in my chest."It's okay." I cried along with him blood pouring from my unbandaged wrist.
--
The thoughts hit my like a train keeping me confused and completely winded. I heard my cat let out a loud meow grabbing my attention.
"Dammit Misty." I said picking her up to see if she had food.
After feeding her I went to my bedroom. My suitcase laid on the ground hardly filled. I would need to go dress shopping not owning a single one.
My hands ran through the soft fabric of my sweaters. I loved the winter. Everything was perfect. It only being early October it was still pretty warm.
I packed more clothes ignoring the worries filling the room suffocating me. Not having to work until later I crawled back into the bed missing Spencer's warm embrace.
Everything about Spencer I loved and missed with every fiber of my body.
