First, Us. - ATEEZ Seonghwa Fanfiction

35.

"Can you tell me about your exes? All of them. This entire time you've avoided it and I wanna know why before we move forward." He rubs my back, knowing his request is something I'm not comfortable talking about. I'm silent for a minute, and I watch Seonghwa realize the affect his words had on me. "Toby, I'm not someone you gotta worry about. You can trust in me. Or at least I hope you can. You know everything about Chaehoon, and I saw Wyatt one time by accident and didn't know who the fuck he was to you. Tell me all about your hurts. I can promise you won't ever feel that way again. Talk to me." He reassured me.

"U-um.." I feel super overwhelmed. I can't even speak properly. Yes, I want to share this side of me with Seonghwa and yes, I do trust him. But it's so difficult. I promised I'd answer his questions, so I don't have a choice. Let's just...see how it goes. "I have had three boyfriends before you." There's a good start, Toby. But you can't end there, keep it going.

"Okay.." Seonghwa says in anticipation, sounding somewhat happy that I'm actually saying something.

"My first boyfriend, his name was Ryan. We dated from when I was 13 until the day before I turned 15. Yeah, so the day before my birthday I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend at the time. It was my first heartbreak. The pain I felt hurt me so bad that I cancelled my 15th birthday party, I stayed in bed and cried all day. Of course, first loves are never supposed to work out. But no fifteen year old should have to feel the pain of an unloyal horny teenage boy." Seonghwa and I both kind of laugh at that story. "Yes, it sounds immature and full of naivety, but I remember how sad I was for such a long time after him, and even after I started dating my second boyfriend, I still wasn't really over Ryan. But after Ryan was Matthew. I started dating him at the age of 16 until I was 17. Again, he cheated on me. But even while we were together, he would degrade me and made sure my self esteem was so low that I felt like I wouldn't be good enough for anyone other than him. Looking back at it now, he was maybe a four out of ten, looks wise. But at the time it felt so real. After he left me, I was broken. I didn't eat or sleep, I skipped school a lot, and my parents sent me to therapy in hopes it would help me." I look away from Seonghwa, who now holds a face full of sympathy and pity for me.

"Then there was Wyatt. Wyatt dated me from the age of 17 until about three months before I came here. Wyatt was the worst of them all. He made me love him, and I loved him hard. He was romantic, he was caring, and I felt like he loved me more than I loved him. Everyone who knew Wyatt loved him, including my family. He became everything to me. So, that's why I gave him my virginity. Things were going great until the end, when I found out he also cheated. And slept with five other girls in the duration of our relationship. That's when Kay and Julie planned this vacation. They were tired of hearing me cry over Wyatt." I wipe away a tear that fell on my cheek, I didn't even know I was crying. I take a deep breath and manage to wear somewhat of a smile. "But with all that said, I needed to go through all that heartbreak to meet you. You're so different from them, Seonghwa. I'm so thankful for that."

The face once full of sadness turns into one of pure happiness as Seonghwa leans in to kiss me. This kiss was different from all of our other kisses. This one was full of understanding, forgiveness, and trust. The way he holds me so close that I think for a moment our bodies might actually combine as his tongue slips into my mouth sends chills down my body. I almost forget we're on top of a five star hotel in broad day light.

I quickly pull away before his kiss has any more effect on me. We're both catching our breath and staring into each other's eyes.

"I love you, Toby."

"I love you more, Seonghwa."

"Highly unlikely." We both laugh.

"Can I say something honestly?" I ask as we make our way over to the bench that was conveniently placed in the middle of the roof. I assume it's there for this reason, because the view of Miami from here is beautiful.