His blurred eyes

New

"Nova?"

I don't hear Aziel's voice as I keep on staring at myself in the mirror. Or more specifically, my dirty blonde hair. A pair of scissors in my hand.

"Nova what the-"
"I'm not cutting myself, I'm simply constipating on trying something new."

His reflection approaches me. Angel at his feet.
"New?"

"Yeah, like my name. New."
"Well what are you going to do then?"

My eyes drift to the scissors.
"Cut my hair and dye it in black."

If Aziel had water in his mouth, he would've chocked in it.
"B-Black?"

"Yeah, why? You don't like it?"
He shakes his head.

"No I love it but why...so suddenly?"

"Because my blonde hair makes me look like this little innocent girl I'm not. I'm not Nova."

I hardly start cutting the hair that once reached my lower back. I don't care about it. Instead I feel relieved.

Aziel's confused eyes speak to me as I explain myself:

"My real name...is Thana. Meaning 'death'. Guess twice who named me that way."

The pieces of hair fall to the ground. In my eyes I see her. The sick woman that ruled over me. The woman I thought I loved. The woman who took care of me but filled me with hurt.

The woman I call mom.

And she's screaming that she'll kill me one day. But then she cries, making me feel pitiful.

That's the only thing that didn't make me hate her. I hate her for bringing me into this hell.

I hate her for all the words she said. I hate her for not apologising to me. I hate her for dying before I could see genuine regret in her eyes.

I hate her...for being like me.

The last strands fall and with that, the grudges I held fall with them too. I don't forgive her.

Just because she's dead doesn't mean she's a saint and I need to forgive her. Never.

But she's my mom. Selena will always be.

"My dad didn't know I was named after my mom's dearest wish. He only found out when an old woman at a grocery store explained the meaning of the name of his child..."

"He changed my name to 'Nova'. Thinking I would be a new start for the family."

I ruffle my hair before facing the real Aziel.
"And as always...he was wrong."

I can tell Aziel didn't all of this. Of course he can get into my mind. But there are things that are way too deep for him to discover.

"How do I look?"
"Perfect."

I chuckle as I smile at him.
"We need to dye it now."

Aziel tells me to sit down.
"I'll do it for you." are his words. He starts by brushing my hair. I liked it.

I feel complete. Only with him.

I want him next to me all the time. If one day he'll leave me, I won't make it. No one can ever take his spot. He showed me things no one ever could. Absolutely no one.

My demon...is my angel.

"Close your eyes. I don't want to get it in there." I awe at his cuteness.

Hot like the devil. Cute like a bunny.
Ever heard of that?

I reflect on my life while staring at the focused boy. It hurts less. Like I'm getting over it.

It's true that I don't get panic attacks anymore. And it's easier to breathe. Am I getting...

Better?

Part of me feels a happiness I couldn't describe. I could be normal again. An actual teen. Another part of me...didn't want that.

I'd love to get these illnesses away from me but...does that mean Aziel will dissapear?

Not that he's a hallucination but he's a demon. If I don't feel anything bad anymore, then he can't do his job. Will he leave?

No...I can't-

"Let's rinse it!"

His loud voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I quietly move along. He blow dries my hair. "Here we go."

Aziel's moist hands don't cover my eyes anymore and I come face to face with myself.

"Holy shit.."

I'm a complete different person. Damn.
I love it. I run my finger through the soft hair multiple times to make it's all real.

"I told you you looked pretty, Thana."
"Don't call me that."

I hug his waist. Wanting his comfort.
"Why?"

"Because I love it when you call me 'Nova'."

Angels barking interrupts our little moment. Aziel groans at him ruining it.
"Angel I really love you but you're testing my patience right now!"

I laugh in his chest as one of his arms points at the doggie. Lecturing the animal.

"Aziel. Don't lecture my baby."
I pick up Angel up. Kissing his forehead.

Aziel scoffs in disbelief.
"Are you picking your dog over me?!"

I roll my eyes.
"I will. If you don't sing me to sleep today."
Aziel looks like he wants to kill me but he sure knows he just has to give in.

"Come on, before I change my mind."

Aziel settles down before patting his chest. Basically telling me to lay down there. Without further ado I put Angel down and crumble up next to my boyfriend.

"What song do you want to hear?"
"I don't know. You choose."

Aziel soon starts caressing my hair like usual. That simple gesture is enough to make me melt in his embrace and sleep already.

"I can't help..falling in love with you.."

His so soft voice puts me sleep. My remedy.

The rain pours outside of the window. The droplets make a popping noise when they hit the glass frame.

The weather, the day, the mood and Aziel all mix together to make this day comfy as fuck.

Like that, I went off to dreamland.

———

"Who are you?" The girl jumps back while facing the person.
"I-I'm sorry, I-"

"I've seen you here multiple times."
The girls' nerves go through the roof.

That's how big the tension was.

"I-I apologise."
The man shakes his hand.

"Don't. I'm glad someone appreciates this tree as much as I do. I cannot lie I haven't been able to sit here as much since your appearance."

The woman didn't know if it was a compliment or not so she stayed silent.
"Do you draw?"

She nods.
"What are you drawing?"

He sits next to her and reached out to the paper. The paper the girl held tightly in her arms.

"Nothing! Absolutely n-nothing."
"Oh come on let me see!"

After the couple battles for the drawing. The strong man won. The woman hides her face.

Embarrassed.

"Is this...me?"

"Yes, it's you."