His blurred eyes

Dinner

I sit here. Cutting the warm steak. My eyes not getting a break from being squinted all dinner.

I cut the piece of meat hard. Imagining it's my father's neck. We sit in front of each other.

My little sister between us.
Half-sister.

"This is so good!" Anastasia says. She's very young. Only 9.

And she shares the evil blood of my father.
My so-called dad remarried, had a kid and divorced again.

I hate him. So much. I am so furious that my eyes are glazed with salty tears.

I don't want him here.
"How are things going Nova?"

I lick the dry lips.
"Why are you here?" I respond. Not here for his kindness.

Where was it when I was locked up with psychos? Where was it when I was alone on the streets? Where was it when mom died?

I feel pity for Anastasia. She has yet to realise her dad is far from a hero. I don't hate her.

Not at all. Instead, I feel protective of her.
I don't want her to be like me.

I don't want her to see beauty in death.
I don't want her to be insane.
I don't want her to feel empty.

I just don't want.

I don't care if I die. I'm hanging by a thread. But if I just see one little tear drop from her ocean blue eyes, death will become my fear.

"Anastasia will join you here. I will be out of the country."
So that's the reason.

"When are you leaving?"
He scoffs.
"Is that a way to welcome your father?"

You're not her father.
"You're not my father."
The words come out of my heart. And out of the demons one too. If he still has one?

"What a shame...you turned out like your mom." A tear falls. Slowly.

He knows better than anyone that I turned out to be like him. A psychopath. A sick person.

And I hate it.
All his fucking anger issues and hate were transferred to me.

I hate myself. For this exact reason.
My hands turn into a fist.

Fuck it.
I slam all the dishes on the floor. Stabbing the knife in the table in front of his bastard face.

"It should've been you dad."
With that last piece of hatred I showed that night, I run up to my room.

The maids that were surrounded around the door leading to the dining room wanting to cheer me up.

But with him here. They can't.

I scream into my pillow. I want to cry. I can't do this. His presence always brings up these emotions.

My health always worsens after a glance of him. This time it's worse.

His words. I can't forget them. Damn...

Knock, knock, knock

"Nova?" her tiny voice is behind the locked door.
"Yeah Ana?"
"Do you want to play with me? Dad said no.."

I didn't realise I just sat there for an hour already. I was one inch away from completely breaking down.

This was it. Her little pleading voice is that inch.

I bite my fist. Against crying. I don't want her to worry.
"Tomorrow okay?"
I barely get these words out without letting a loud sob out.

I just know Anastasia nodded as I see her shadow leave under the door.
As soon as I am sure that no one could hear me.

I break down.
Pain gets worse with every single burning tear that slides down my cold cheek.

This is my life.

I act like I'm the strongest. But just one glance at the man I hate and one little word out of his mouth and I break down.

He completely shatters the wall I try to build up every day.
Then the emotions behind it break out.

My body doesn't process it and reacts by crying.

Shower. Cold shower. Cold water.
I need it.

I keep biting my fist until the water is running.
I curl up in the far corner.
Letting my mascara completely run out.

What did I do wrong to deserve this?
The sobs keep getting louder and more painful.

People would think the biggest tragedy happened if they heard me.

I dig my nails in my legs and hide my head between them.
I sense a movement next to me.

I thought that Anastasia somehow made her way in, but I was so wrong.

My red eyes meet his brown ones. He didn't make any remark. He just sits down next to me, letting me cry.
"He-"

I try to speak between my cries.
"Breathe, Nova.."
For some reason his long arms wrap around me.

The coldness doesn't affect me but eases me.
"M-My dad..he- he...killed her."

He did it.

Author's note:

New chapter, new surprises ;)
Tell me what you think!
Peep the pic if you want to see what the last scene looks like <33