I can't say your name

Cap. 1

He hasn't always hated this building: if he had to be honest, he had loved this building and all the memories it contained. His hate towards it started one year ago, and it's not properly hate, it's more like a suffocating sadness that overwhelms him every time he enters the door: it started with rage, then sorrow and now it is turning little by little into numbness. Yeah, he is overcoming it... Brett would like to think. He had lost his best friend, the person with whom he shared lots of memories and adventures, the person that he had loved, and the person he had never had the courage to confess his feelings to. Maybe, more than the building, he hated himself for being such a coward: if only he'd had the courage to hold him back a little bit longer to finally tell him the truth, he wouldn't have reached the crossroad  at the same time as a street pirate.

He entered the usual yellow square with his car and sighed deeply before raising his eyes and looking at the Sidney opera house. He climbed off his car and took his violin from the back seat. He was still tracing the shapes of the building with his eyes when he heard some steps approaching him

Nat: "Hey Brett"

Brett: "Nat"

Answered Brett without turning in her direction. She laughed sadly and looked at him.

Brett: "What's so funny?"

Nat: "You're so predictable"

Brett: "What do you mean?"

Nat: "There are no rehearsals today"

Brett: "Wait, what?"

Asked Brett, finally turning to face her. She smiled sweetly and wiped of the tear that was trying to escape her left eye

Nat: "I think you know what day it is today"

Brett looked down to his feet and sighed.

Brett: "How could I not know?"

Nat: "The director sent us an e-mail this morning. It said that the rehearsals are suspended for today out of respect for the anniversary of his death. I knew you wouldn't read it...I can't imagine what this day is like for you Brett...I've been crying since this morning and I've only known him  for a few months"

Brett rubbed his neck with his free hand and tilted his head back, trying to hold back the tears in his eyes.

Nat was a cellist, she had joined the orchestra Brett and...well him used to play in after the other cellist left to join Julliard as a teacher. She was quite short and skinny, with dark green eyes and always-perfectly-collected-red hair. She had become friends with Brett and he had started to share some of his secrets with her, things that he hadn't said to anybody, not even him. After his beloved's departure, Nat and him became even closer friends, and she helped him a lot throughout the darkest moments. She had joined him every week on his cemetery trips and she had listened to all the speeches he had done to the marble cross. She had learned to know him and she knew all too well that Brett wouldn't have read the e-mail that morning.

Brett: "I'm a lost cause..."

Nat: "Hey...it's fine"

She said, embracing him. Brett let his head fall on her shoulder and hugged her back tightly before soaking his face and her sweater with tears.

Brett: "I-I'm sorry..."

Nat: "Shhh...it's fine to cry Brett...stop blaming yourself for everything"

Brett: "You know that it's my fault Nat, don't lie...he would be alive if I'd been able to go all the way with my confession"

Nat: "You cannot know Brett...it's not your fault if people get drunk and then drive...this could have happened to me, or to..."