Falling - Bellamy Blake X Reader

Chapter 36

(Y/N POV)
By the time Raven had installed all the landmines outside the perimeter of camp the sun was on the verge of setting meaning the war was approaching very quickly. Lexa and the rest of my people hadn't shown up yet and if they didn't soon our chances of surviving this would become extremely slim. My anxiety grew with passing second until relief flooded my body when I caught a glimpse of Lexa and an army behind her coming over the horizon that was scattered with trees. 

"Looks like we might have a chance after all." Bellamy says whilst moving to stand beside me and keeping his attention trained on the army of my people. Glancing at him I took notice of how much he changed since we first landed here. His eyes that once expressed happiness now appeared tired and seemed to hold feelings of self-loathing. Against my better judgment I took his hand in mine, attempting to tell him I forgave him for what he did without voicing it out loud. I'm not sure if being back at camp was making me all soft and sentimental but for whatever reason I wanted to make an amends with Bellamy.

The act of me holding his hand caused him to be surprised for a split second but once he became aware of what was happening he softly squeezed my hand, letting me know without words that he never wanted to let go. As my people advanced closer I was able to make out a few of their faces, one of them belonging to River. My mind began playing tug of war between both Bellamy and River. I loved the two very deeply, there was no denying it especially with the nearing war that was looming over our heads. Needing to greet my people I let go of Bellamy's hand, which didn't seem to please him, and go to meet Lexa and everyone else at the gate. Getting there I'm met by Lexa standing next to River who was biting back a smile, leaving me to believe he was trying to stay professional and intimidating all while being vastly happy to see me. Even though his presence brought me joy I couldn't help but focus on the small tinge of guilt that stirred up in my stomach. I could only guess the guilt that was rising inside of me was due to me holding Bellamys hand not even a minute ago.

I needed to come clean with River about my true feelings for both him and Bellamy, but not now. I couldn't comprise his focus that would be used to keep him alive during all of this, I would tell him but not until we all survived the upcoming war. At this point I'm not sure who I wanted to end up with but the only thing I was sure about was that it wouldn't be fair to keep my feelings hidden from River, or even Bellamy for that matter. After making the decision to come clean to both of them later I put on my 'everything is fine' face and run up to River, enveloping him into a big hug. 

"I'm so happy to see you, not under these circumstances but still." He whispers in my ear before placing a light kiss on the tip of my ear causing shivers to be sent down my spine. 

"Did Lucas come?" I question Lexa while pulling away from my hug with River. At the mention of Lucas both River and Lexa's expressions simultaneously drop, telling me something was wrong.

"Y/n, Lucas died yesterday. Azgeda sent an assassin to kill me and Lucas stepped in before they could. I was overwhelmed by coming up with strategies that I didn't see them coming but Lucas did and took the arrow for me last second." Nothing had prepared me for what Lexa said and in that moment I wanted nothing more to break down in that very spot but for the sake of my people I needed to stay strong and conceal my emotions and that's exactly what I did. Hopefully Lucas's death was enough to motivate everyone to fight harder and win this war. 

"Well at least his death wasn't meaningless." I state while holding back my tears. River puts a comforting hand on my shoulder while Lexa gives me a sad look. 

"Let's get you guys set up." I declare desperately needing a change in subject and something to keep my mind of Lucas's death and my feelings for both Bellamy and River. I could tell Lexa and River were concerned about me but soon they and the army behind them followed me into camp.

A hour passes and all of my people of have gotten situated and began training the sky people. Everything around camp was running smoothly until I noticed the last bit of sun dip below the horizon, the war was here. Lexa swiftly gathered everybody and started giving out everyones positions. 

"You know we might not make it through this." Rivers says whilst coming to stand next to me. 

"Yes we will. Don't think like that." I utter not wanting to face the fact this coming war brings a possibility of us dying, I already had too much on my plate to deal with as it was. 

"I'm being realistic, Y/n. A large percent of us aren't going to see tomorrow." Realizing he was right I felt the strong need to come clean about my feelings towards Bellamy. Before I could stop myself from blurting it out it was already too late. 

"I'm in love with Bellamy." I fastly spit out, I expected a big reaction from him but instead I received nothing but I soft smile. 

"I know, you never stopped." He gently whispers and before I get the chance to confess my love for him to the sound of a war horn blares across the camp.

Everyone begins frantically going to their assigned positions causing me to loose River in the sea of people. I didn't even get the chance to search for him before Lexa was at my side tugging me inside the drop ship. 

"You're not fighting in this war. As my second that makes you next in line to be commander and I can't risk both of us dying tonight." Just as I was about to argue I feel a pinch in my neck and begin falling asleep against my will. Before completely descending into a deep sleep I turn around to see Clarke holding a drained syringe and Lexa slowly lowering my body to the ground. Little did I know the next time I would be opening my eyes the world around me wasn't going to be the same.

*finished editing*

a/n
im sorry if this feels a little rushed but I need to finish this story before I loose the little motivation I have left.