Momentary Bliss | Dark A.I|

Chapter 13

Her body was curled up against mine, her cheek pressed into the stiff denim of my jeans. Katies mom's car was small but the lack of space was welcomed. Katies mom's eyes kept flickering back and forth between the road and the rear-view mirror, her eyes never leaving Sage's crumpled form for more than a couple of minutes. Katie was passed out in the front seat next to her mother, the chaos from the airport wearing her out.

My fingers played with Sage's hair absentmindedly, the motion soothing to both of us. I missed the feeling of having her close to me, of being the protector I knew she needed. The anxiety that I felt while on tour was unmatched, the stress of being away from her eating away at every thought. The world was a dangerous place, and sometimes I felt like I was leaving her out for the wolves.

Sure, there were parts of the tour that were fun. The girls, the sights, the parties, the shoeys. It was all amazing, but the voice in the back of my head just wouldn't shut up. The intrusive thoughts are never silent, no matter how much I drank or smoked they were always there.

But I was home now, and the worry that had accumulated over months apart was slowly seeping out. The feeling of her chest moving with each breath and the soft snores she let out easing away all the lingering stress.

Sage had changed slightly over the year. Her hair was longer, the brown locks that once rested right below her shoulders were now crawling their way down her back. Her nose was dotted with more freckles, the summer sun tanning her pale skin slightly. I gently tucked a few stray hairs behind her ear. As the hair started to reveal her ear I noticed a faint sparkle of light.

I'm sure I looked different as well. Tour life was rough, the constant moving, the lack of sleep, and the road trip food could really take a toll on a person. I knew I had lost weight, my pants were baggier than they were before I left. I'm sure my eyes bags were more noticeable as well, the deep blues and purples standing out against my tan skin.

I couldn't wait to be home. I was more than ready to make up for lost time and to hear about everything that I had missed. I could see lots of ice cream dates in the upcoming weekends, a return to tradition would be nice.

"She really missed you ya know?" I hear Katie's mom whisper from the front, careful not to wake up the girls. "I know Liz and if I had it any other way I would have never gone". It was true, if it wasn't for the money I never would have gone on tour. Sure, I loved making music but sometimes the downsides were just too much. "She's a sweet girl, always waiting up for you to call. I know you're not her real dad, and I honestly don't know much about your relationship at all. But I know she loves you a lot." She looked back at Sage fondly, motherly, in a way that I wished Sage could have all the time.

The rest of the car ride was silent, no other words were needed.The soft hum of the radio was the sound that could be heard in the small car. The rest of the ride was quick, five minutes tops before we were back to the house.

The house had changed in that year as well. The grass was overgrown, brown patches littered the front and side yard. The porch that was once inviting now seemed dull and lifeless much like the potted plants that decorated it.

Softly I shook Sage awake, her relaxed body becoming tense as she entered the world of the conscious. Small groans left her lips as she slowly sat herself up, the sleep not quite leaving her eyes. She had left a small pool of drool on my jeans, and the jeans retaliated leaving a red mark across her cheek.

Liz popped the trunk of her van after noticing the two of us opening the side doors. I quickly grabbed my luggage and gave Katie and her mother a wave as they drove away, Sage whispered a soft goodbye at their receding car.

Softly I ushered her inside, the musty smell was less than inviting. The house that I had worked so hard to make a home for the two of us had lost it's comfort. Time hadn't touched the house, it was like a window into the past. Nothing was out of place, a layer of dust preserving it. Time however had touched our relationship, mixing it up in unexplainable ways.

The silence was deafening, a mix between awkward and uncertain. The two of us stood in the foyer, staring at the remnants of what once was. I waited for her to speak, to break the silence that seemed to cage us. It's constricting fingers strangling away the last bits of happiness from the airport.

I never really thought about what would happen once I came home. My fantasies always stopped at the airport, holding her in my arms and twirling her around, but that's all it was. A fantasy. I had spent the last year living in my head, this dream that I had constructed was not at all what reality had in store. I thought everything would go back to normal, that I could pick up exactly where I had left off.

I guess I never really took Sage's feelings into account. Our relationship was complicated to start off with. I had known this girl for less than two years, and one of them was spent with phone calls and a couple weekend visits here and there.

I thought I was giving Sage stability, a home life that she had never gotten before. But in a way I was just as bad as the rest of her family, her fears of abandonment seemed justified now. She opened up to me, allowed me to be her chosen family and I just up and left.

I couldn't even begin to imagine the thoughts that ran through her mind, not only in this moment but during these past two years. From one family, to another, to another, to another, there was nothing constant in her life. Maybe I was just as bad as everyone else, my need to be good clouding my judgement.

In that moment I made a promise to myself and to Sage. I would never let anything come in between us again. I would do my best to protect her, to make the world a safe place for her, to clean it up until every last bit of evil was purged. 

No matter what it took.