Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
every morning before today i go through the same damn worn out cycle. wake up, shower, eat a small breakfast, skip lunch, read, eat a small dinner, cry myself to sleep after realizing i gave away something i thought i'd never gain back. but this morning i could finally wake up and think about how i have a true meaning in this world, i never thought i'd get the chance to be a true mother again. but here i am, waking up another day, thankful that i not only am picking up the pieces but growing day by day.
this morning i wake up and i say, no matter how heavy my past may be, i can always begin again with more power and grace. because i am in control, i am going to be who i truly wanna be. i roll out of bed happily before going into the bathroom to start my shower, i decided on a special mango brown sugar scented shower routine.
afterwards i washed my face and picked out my outfit for the day, did my hair and headed downstairs to make myself a new breakfast for once. hopefully i can make today about new beginnings, i saw a delicious açaí bowl on my feed the other day.
i walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to get out the ingredients i had picked up the other day, i started off with açaí blend powder with frozen blue berries and bananas. once i had those blended i poured it into a pretty bowl, smoothed it out with peanut butter, oats, chia seeds and extra bananas n strawberries for extravities. once i was finished i filled my water bottle with ice water, then changed into a sports bra and leggings for a thirty minute workout and yoga session.
as soon as i finished that i wiped off and had some more ice water, texted a few friends then finally had a twenty minute facetime with rakeem and laila. afterwords i read a bit of 'the hate u give' by angie thomas. these small self care days do me so much justice, hopefully after this i can be full one hundred for not only myself but laila. she's my everything now and i'll do anything in my power to be around my baby at all times and be there whenever she needs me.
but all i can constantly think about is rakeem. not being with him hurts my soul, literally. i miss his touch, voice, energy, realism, his literal everything. the love i've always felt for that man is so strong, he's everything i have and could've ever asked for, his captivating charm could knock me down to my feet in a breath. no matter what, he's mine. ever since i was in my senior year of highschool, that's always been the man i wanted.
my most disappointment is leaving such an incredible ass man, besides leaving my baby girl. i never knew how strongly you could love someone until i met him, how much you could connect to someone on a spiritual level. being a happy family with him would just bring me more than all the happiness in the world, feeling full in the heart is my main goal always.
𝟷:𝟶𝟺 𝙿.𝙼.
i decided to actually eat lunch today, so i went into the kitchen and made myself a lime cilantro chicken and avocado burrito wrap, along with some strawberries on the side with a large water bottle of mint ice water, an hour later i enjoyed some almonds and raspberries for a snack.
i tried to keep my meals filling but light, because i, and rakeem planned a dinner out tonight, alone. he was picking me up at around five twenty-five.
after my lunch, i went ahead and took a nap. once i woke back up it was four twenty seven. i hopped into a quick shower, shaving, washing my hair and overall just having a relaxing quick shower. afterwards i went ahead and put on a velvet pink dress with a laced waist part along with dark pink velvet slides. i did a bit of makeup and headed out.
