ALAN - An Alan Rickman fanfic

Chapter 2 - Unsaid

THANK YOU for the wonderful feedback so far and to everyone who has saved it to their reading list, voted etc... 

You may have noticed some parts have dates. These are Ava's journal entries. 

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12th March

I wish I could say I was relieved for the weekend, that I had free time, but I'm running on four hours sleep and I have a shift at the gallery today. I'm taking on all the hours I can manage at the moment. I should have gotten to bed earlier last night, but once I'm in my creative space, it's difficult to peel myself away. I've never been great at that part. Lately I'm running on caffeine and the adrenaline of ideas that spark at various points of the day, but sometimes the slump hits me hard. If I'm not giving a talk at the gallery, my mind is on my financial situation, mentally organising my time, planning what I'm going to work on when I get home, or...Alan.

I was so embarrassed last week after he dropped me home, and even more embarrassed that I actually created a delusional scenario in my mind where we'd have some time alone to get to know one another. Why? It's laughable. I mean the guy is four decades older than me and was just being polite I'm sure. Why is it bothering me so?

I have an unconventional attraction to a man older than my father.

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My 6th day volunteering at the theatre

Monday night is the opening night for Seminar. Today is Saturday. I'm sat eating a deli lunch backstage reading when writer Theresa Rebeck passes by and announces to everyone in the staff room that the last rehearsal is about to begin. I take the opportunity and head to the auditorium where a handful of people are dotted around.

I make sure that I'm sat several rows back, unnoticed. I find Alan's character as Leonid strangely attractive, even though he is a complete obnoxious ass who doesn't have a good word to say about anyone unless it's backhanded. I find myself smirking into my sandwich. Not so much however, when I witness Lily Rabe locking lips with him. My god, she's been doing this every rehearsal and will do for weeks to come, and she's getting paid for it too. It's then I realise I have been staring and look down to the sad piece of lettuce that has flopped on the floor of the theatre reminding me of how I felt in the car that night.

Later, when I'm back to work with Lizzy, hoisting another finished set piece aside to dry, I ask a burning question - "Do you think Alan and Lily are dating?"

Lizzy laughs. "Does it matter?"

"No, I was just curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat darlin'. Besides, he's a little too old for you, don't you think?"

"Oh god, of course," I laugh, "I was just wondering...You know, when two people are so close on screen or the stage, how can it not spill over into reality? I mean, how do you separate that?"

"Sometimes it does go on, but it's taboo. Not all actors are what they seem. It's all an illusion what goes on onstage. Theatres have their groupies too, believe me."

She raises an eyebrow at me with a smirk, as I look deep in thought.

"Why, you interested?"

"No. Oh god. No. No way. It was just a question, that's all."

Lizzy takes a spare paint brush from her red curls and together we get back to work.

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