ALAN - An Alan Rickman fanfic

Chapter 24 - "But I love you."

Before you read, I want to thank you so much for your messages of condolence. Things are very up and down for me at the moment, but I'm trying to stay positive. 

Please bare with me for the coming chapters if there is a slight delay. Since I had part of this one ready to go, I sat down with it yesterday and polished off the rest. Writing it a great escapism for me and I found it helped a lot. It makes me so happy to bring you a new part to the story whenever I can <3 

Thank you SO much everyone. I hope you enjoy the chapter! Get your tissues. 

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I waited over two weeks for this day. Time dragged the most at night, especially as Alan's texting grew less and only when in response to my own - that which I tried to resist. I tried to play it cool, said that I was busy, and I was, but not too busy that I couldn't find time to think of him. It was far too easy to think of him; at times consuming. By this point I'd analysed everything with a fine tooth comb, had practically scripted every response to everything he could possibly throw at me this evening. It was time to have 'the talk.'

I anticipate Alan's arrival with a knot in my belly and a wobble in my step walking aimlessly around my apartment. I overthought it all, but it was necessary that everything was perfect including the way I looked. I kept my dark curls down and wore light blue jeans and a white figure hugging top that bared my arms and décolletage - casual but sexy. I optimistically light some candles too for a little mood lighting and make sure my best art pieces are on display so he'll know I've been busy. I would hate him to think that most nights I'd been staring at the ceiling waiting for this evening.

I'd just finished putting away the last of my paintbrushes in a pot when my doorbell goes and the whole lot topples over. Cue frantic tidying before I dash over to the buzzer.

"Hii, come up, the door's open."

Deep breath, deep breath.

I open the door to his dashing self after weeks that felt like months. Everything inside me melts in his presence. Tall and handsome, Alan towers above me with a warm smile dressed in dark jeans, and a perfectly tailored pea-coat. Underneath it lay a crisp navy shirt. The two of us look as if we're about to go out on a date. He dips to my cheek and places a kiss there as my hands steady myself upon his broad shoulders. Oh how I'd missed those. A gorgeous waft of his aftershave fills air between us amplifying my senses.

"Helloh Ava."

Such a formality it was, calling me by my name. Ava, just Ava, no darling or sweetheart. The air is automatically injected with anticipation as if grey clouds were looming in above us.

I try to keep things light, ignoring said clouds and offer to make him a cup of coffee, but he insists he'll make it.

"You sit down, I'll bring it on through."

This can't be good. I flick at my nails staring at his side of the empty couch filled with anxiety, faking a smile when he comes through and places a steaming hot coffee in my hands. Even the way he strategically positions himself the edge of the sofa and doesn't sit back makes me feel uneasy, as if he's going to say what he needs to and leave.

"How was your flight?" I ask, anything to change the subject and keep the mood light. "Do you want anything to eat, I could make something -"

"Noh noh, but thank you."

There is no escaping it. Here it comes.

"Ava..." long pause. "I'm so sorry I kept you waiting and left you without answers. I know you were searching for them. Had I of made sense of things at the time..."