𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 | Snips & Skyguy Oneshots

Shattered Mind | Part 1

⚠️ Warning! ⚠️ this chapter, as well as the next one contains mentions of self-harm and mental health struggles. If you are currently dealing with any these issues, please, seek help and do not read these two chapters. Take care of yourself.

***

One more scar to go.

For Ahsoka Tano, she'd created a system she could rely on; a system she used to remind herself just how much she meant to others. This system was, if the Padawan could say so herself, a work of genius.

For every insult, every curveball, and every injury Kyrena Baldot and her gang gifted her, a scar made from the sharpest scissors she could find would appear on her wrist.

Ahsoka couldn't help but think to herself, there had to be a reason why Baldot and her henchmen targeted her incessantly instead of other Padawans.

Because the others are strong enough with a lightsaber and in-tune enough with the Force to defend themselves from harm. I am not.

The Togruta summoned the pair of scissors with dagger-like blades to her hand. Biting down on her lower lip to prevent a strangled sob from escaping, Ahsoka brought the scissors down upon her forearm, stabbing the razor-sharp blades deep enough to burst a blood vessel. 

She could feel the tears flowing down her cheeks. She could feel every droplet of blood running down her chin. She could feel the river of red blood cells sprinting down her forearm with no end in sight.

"Worthless!"

"Ugly!"

"Fat!"

"Nobody likes you, Ahsoka! I pity your Master to even have to be near you, much less live in the same quarters as you."

"How much pain are you going to cause everyone before you experience it yourself?"

"I hope my words sting, for this is how Master Skywalker feels every day to live with an abomination, a mistake, like you!"

Was this really how she made everyone around her feel?

If she could, Ahsoka would let the blood ooze out of her wounds, and she wouldn't bother closing it up. She deserved it, deserved all the insults and scars. But she couldn't Anakin catch on. He would be heartbroken.

Wordlessly, the Togrutan Padawan stumbled over to her desk, feeling extremely light-headed at due to the vast amount of blood she'd lost only minutes prior. From her bottom drawer, Ahsoka extracted a black, hard-cover leather notebook. She grabbed a pen, opened the notebook to a new page, and began to write.

***

Anakin paced frantically in front of Padmé's couch, wringing his hands. Ahsoka had been distant for a long time now; she only spoke to him when absolutely necessary, and these days, that was her in prime condition. His Padawan didn't even acknowledge anybody else's presence. He'd tried everything he could.

Talk to her, crack jokes, take her out to dinner.

None of it mattered. Ahsoka barely smiled. The bubbly young girl he'd at the Battle of Christophsis had all but vanished, leaving behind a pale, sullen introvert that acted like she'd seen a ghost.

"What do I do, Padmé?" Anakin asked his wife. "I've tried everything! How do I get her to talk to me without crossing her boundaries?"

Padmé considered her husband's question. She, too, worried for the state of Ahsoka's mental health. The Togrutan Padawan had quickly become like a daughter to her.

The Skywalkers had indeed tried everything. They'd brainstormed for hours on end, looking for a possible solution, but none of their ideas worked. The couple hit a dead end every single time.

Unless...

"Ani," Padmé suddenly said, realization dawning on her. "You aren't going to like what I'm proposing, but there's simply no other way you can help her."

Anakin focused his gaze on her. "What is it?"

"Do you know if Ahsoka has a journal of some sort? One she often writes in?"

Skywalker considered it. "Well," he said thoughtfully, "I've seen her scrawl in something every night, but I'm not sure what it is that she's writing. What are you saying?" Anakin muttered, his eyes narrowing.

"I'm saying," Padmé said slowly, "that maybe you need to look through whatever it is she's writing."

"I am not looking through my Padawan's possessions without her permission," Anakin snapped. If there was one thing he learned, it was the importance of permission. He didn't want Ahsoka to think he was intruding on her personal thoughts.

"I don't like it either," the Senator calmly answered. "But it could be a matter between life and death or her consent to look through her thoughts."

The Knight couldn't disagree with Padmé's point. Her skills as a debater constantly proved to be useful, whether it be arguing with her husband or in the Senate courtroom.

"Fine," he finally answered. "But when?"

"I can invite her to come shopping with me tomorrow, I know how much Ahsoka hates shopping trips."

Anakin couldn't help but crack a smile. He could already imagine the look on his Padawan's face as she was dragged through shop after shop, being forced to look through dress after dress. "If you're sure. What time?"

"Most likely around 3 pm. Make sure she's ready to go by 2:55."

***

Back at the Temple, Ahsoka closed the notebook. She was drained, and she needed to get to bed before Anakin came home.

Walking into the bathroom, the Togruta let the hot shower water rinse over her skin, her darkest memories flooding overtaking her mind.

Why would Anakin care? The sooner she walked out of his life, the happier he would be. Nobody wanted her. Who would? The Togruta lifted her arm, staring at the countless scar marks on her wrists.

You deserve it.

As the shower creaked to a stop, Ahsoka changed into her night clothes  as a dark idea presented itself to her.

Maybe that's what I should do.

Right before she went to bed, however, the Padawan cracked open the same black notebook and wrote down three final sentences.

Finale

I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be a burden or cause any more pain. I love you, Anakin, and May the Force be With You.

***

A/N: Part 2 coming ASAP! And yes I am aware that I'm evil. I haven't forgotten about your request, Alexis685 but I need to write the second part before I lose the flow of the chapter. Sorry for the delay!! 😭

- Jazzy