ɪ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ʏᴏᴜ

XLI

I heard two muffled voices arguing. I took a deep breath entering my apartment, the voices stopped hearing the door shut.

They stared at me, Yoongi looked pissed he was  panting I guess because of the yelling he did. Jimin sat there with his head down feeling guilty. Yoongi and him were having a fight which didn't surprise me. One day it was going to happen.

We have avoided this topic for a long time even when I gave Jimin a chance, not once we brought what happened now everything is out. Well, situation is going to turn nasty.

If I snapped again.

Jungkook sat there he didn't meet my eyes the clenching of his fists turning white definitely going to leave a mark crescent marks. Hobi stood between Jimin and Yoongi being a invisible wall just in case. Leah looked like she is about to cry, that makes two of us. I wanted to cry too not now at least not in front of them.

I just ignored them making my way to my bedroom. Lee was right. I am a runner and that's what I am going to do. I am frustrated, annoyed at everyone. Not the best time to talk. They can wait. 

"Where do you think you are going?" Yoongi nearly yelled I stopped death in my tracks. He never used this tone with me ever.

"Tell me what happened? What that son of bitch did?".

I stood there frozen, "Why didn't you tell us?"  This time Hobi spoke softly trying to keep his anger at bay.

"And what?". I sarcastically said. I couldn't help it.

"We could have helped you". Jimin mumbled lowly. I let out a humourless laugh. 

My eyes snapped at him "Help? It's rich coming from you." I sneered " Where were you when I needed you the most, when I was getting assaulted in front of the whole school you just stood there and let it happen. You were my only hope. When I turned and saw you,pleading you to help me, all you did was stand there, stare at me for a second and turned your face and walked away, betraying me, scattering my hope".

Tears streamed down his face looking so torn, I glanced away as my chest clenched in pain. I needed to let it out.

"No one was there, I was alone, I cried for help, no one helped me just the way I felt when I was with him in the bathroom. No one was there when he touched me how fucking scared I was, after that how I felt. I was fighting  with my demons alone everyday till this day. You don't know how I felt and never will. I told you I was weird out in his presence you all fucking brushed it like its nothing."

They eyed me with wide eyes and shame. I laughed, my laugh lacked humor, it was just a cold laugh.

"You couldn't do anything that time, what makes you think you could do anything now? He just came waltzing in my life like nothing happened demanding and trying to own me like his freaking thing. The restraining order didn't stop him from advancing in my life ". Tears streamed down my cheeks. I didn't make attempts to wipe it.

" I tried so hard for so many years to catch myself piece by piece. He just came and destroyed me again, I was finally letting go, he came back." I hiccuped.

Yoongi came forward trying to hold him, I backed away from him and hurt flashed in his eyes. 

"He is the same, that same conniving bastard. He is threatening me. I don't want to repeat what happened in high school. I am scared of him. I couldn't stand the sight of him. He terrifies me". I cried more confessing its true I will never say this but I am fucking scared of him what he can do what he will do. How affect he has on me, his name is enough to travel a cold shiver down my spine. I am not weak, I swear I am not weak. 

I am strong. He just took the part of me I can never have back. He left the scars tainting me, making me feel disgusted with myself. I hate myself. I didn't mean most of the things I told them. I feel so horrible, they were there helping me but still at the end of the day I was alone with my demons. 

Every day was a battle with myself, I was fighting to survive wanting to give up sometimes at the same time not. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands and make him suffer way more worse than I did. I didn't, I couldn't. When my parents came to know mom and dad cried with me. 

Both looked so heartbroken, I never saw my parents cry. I just sat there as they cried instead of me, for me. Dad thought he failed me as a father which is not true. He had one job protecting his little princess he didn't. Mama was so distraught my whole family torn apart. 

Dad is a lawyer and a businessman. He has his connection but this world isn't filled with grace. Evans were hard to touch and my dad was able to do so. Evans cracked a deal paying for settlement for the broken doll like me. Dad and Mama refused to let go without a fight. No one can mess with Thorne's daughter and get away. 

Dad had quite an influence, I saw my family suffer because of me. I am ashamed. If this was to get out the society it could tarnish my family's and Evans family image. I couldn't let my family crumble and suffer because of me. 

Most of it I didn't have in me to fight. I had given back long back, it seemed neither my family and friends were giving up. I didn't have energy to put the fight up. Why would I? 

They convinced me many times that I refused after the incident when they found me bleeding on the floor. I don't remember much after that. Dad just covered up everything sealing it so no one could ever get the video, photos or know anything about the assault. Evans put their money to cover up too, they came to a mutual agreement of never crossing paths especially Nathan Evans. 

Dad put a restraining order on him.

My therapy sessions helped me, bringing me back to normal or at least tried. 

My internal turmoil continued as I knelt down clutching my chest hyperventilating. Yoongi was by my side in seconds,he put my head on his chest helping me with the breathing technique I learned. 

I was tired and exhausted from all these. I didn't even sleep for a few days or eat properly. Slowly I was falling unconscious.