BLUE PROSES

AM I GOING TO ANSWER THE CALL?

Am I Going To Answer The Call?

My newly-bought Galaxy-Core phone rang in the middle of our corporate meeting and what makes it more soulfully embarrassing is that my ringtone sounds like ocean waves and I can taste the seawater in my mouth since I've been swallowing the low-viscosity-lava in it for not making an average excuse yet. I feel like my loins are on fire. Suddenly, all eyes became a bullet made of feathers darted at me, the woman wearing the matte blue blazer in front of us discussing the entire plan for the business expand stopped talking and she's looking at me right now. By the way she's an atheist by words but I often saw her praying before every lunch meal. I'm not glad to know that there are people like them here in a country mostly populated by religious bigots. Lol. She made fun of my cross-shaped pendant last time and said I'm a god-Nazi for Fuck's sake. Everyone in the area gasped, making unintelligible murmurs that sounded like buzzing hummingbirds~ as if they buzz, I don't know what acceptable excuse will I articulate since we were told to not bring our phones or to turn them in silent mode so we wouldn't have distraction tendencies during the on-going talk. I smiled awkwardly as the phone continues to ring aloud and it's a bullet that ricochets in every corner of the room and still, whatever and whatnot, the last bullet point will land at me. "Mccoy, aren't you going to answer the call?"She asked while looking at me with a blank expression, but she sounded sarcastic moreover. Honestly, blank expression is quite a dangerous response. You don't know if they're mad or just okay or are they killing you in their minds already. For a moment, I took the chance to look and check who's calling me in the middle of the corporate discussion.It was my five-year board mate in the apartment that I've been renting for years. I looked around and all of them are still looking at me and waiting for what will I do next. I smiled awkwardly as I slowly tapped the hang up button as I seatback on my comfy office chair. "I'm sorry, it wasn't urgent, we can go along" I said shyly. I hope this chair could hug me tight so I won't feel this freezing cold right now. "Silent mode, Mccoy", our manager jested before she continued her discussion. Sarcast of all languages use inverse pitch obstruction. Thanks for not calling like how they call me. It's an endless nightmare honestly. All these assholes, they actually think they're being original~ I mean, I know them a lot and what they will decide what to call me will define their level of perception. And I did turned my phone in non-sounding mode. Why did I hang the call up? Simple, I know it will just potentially waste my time. If you guys know my board mate, cry me a river. Have you ever heard about the one-side-consistency? I hope not because I just coined that word lol. If ever I have the chance to change apartment, I probably would. If you decide to also board in our non-vintage apartment, congratulations and may God have mercy on your soul. He's been calling me every time he needs my help. Buy a cup of coffee when I went to the mall? Okay. Clean the bathroom when he has visitors? Fine. Participate in his girlfriend cheatings? Whatever. Send his used clothes to the laundry shop whenever I'm about to send mine? Sure. Every single time. I did not refuse a damn favor. Even once. But~ I was a fool. A gullible, maybe. A volunteered servant. Whenever I have to ask emergency favors, or a buy-me-this-thing, or a cook-for-me-I-pay-for-our-meal favors, it felt like I was the only one in the room. He always have reasons not to do me a favor, all of them. That's why I named it one-sided-consistency. You're there, saying yes to every favor and yet he, on the other hand, have unlimited bullets of "No" in his proverbial pocket he's probably been hiding his whole damn life.That's why I never get curious why he never has a serious relationship going. That's why I never wonder why his mom never called him again nor visited him here even once. I don't usually judge but sometimes, it's just there. Waiting to be comprehended. What I wonder now is that~ what's his favor of the day? Sorry board mate, you may have used me for the past years but today, I will just play-pretend maybe. Play the past-through-my-ears, or probably steal the "No's" in your proverbial pocket. I don't know, I think it's safer this way and we're on the same bended-page. And maybe when I come back home later midnight, you might potentially ask me, "What's wrong? You look upset."And I will just jest "No that's my proud face" and get pass through your shadows. Making you feel the same rejections you've been giving me from the first day. You might wonder if "Maybe you're doing something wrong" or "am I just doing something very right". But whatever, I will just leave the hell out of it to you. Anyways, time runs as quick as The Flash and I did not realize that the meeting was already over and I was the only one in the room in corporate sleeves and Swedish necktie. I must have gone crazy. I stood up and I willed myself back to saunter back from the door. But I felt a vibration between my legs and I first thought that I peed unconsciously but thankfully I didn't.I have another phone call. Who was it this time? I grabbed my phone and in an instance, I saw my ex-girlfriend's name on the caller I.D. What did I do? I just let my phone ring until it ends. Don't tell me you haven't done that in your life? Why would I answer the call that in the first place, should not have been made? It feels so wrong when you guys are officially off and attempt to re-incorporate again. I no longer engage myself from relationships that I don't plan to bring back so might as well not entertain them. And no matter how many times she dares to call me, I will never answer it. I'm not trying to play the hard-to-get thing or pretend VIP, but I just don't do things against my will. Thankfully she stopped calling. Has she reached the embarrassment point?I hope yes. Yes, emotions have power. Emotional intelligence is the ability to harness that power--to, you know, fully understand and control emotions, so that you can make decisions that are in harmony with your core values and principles.But what can we learn from what others have taught us about harnessing the power of emotion?If nothing, it only means one thing,it's because they're the ones who can learn things from you. If they can't learn by self-searching and self assessment, let them learn by realizing. If you're an ex, be an ex. Not an extra. I have a life now, and it runs without you. I proceed to the lobby and I decided to make myself a cup of cappuccino. I do love coffee and I would probably name my son Escofi if my wife agrees to do so. Not just because of me admiring coffee, but I remember the chef of all chefs named George Auguste Escoffier so I might link names with that, or not, maybe. Sounds lame~ escofi, iced coffee. It sounds dark so I should prolly let my wife decide. As I gulped the first sip, I got a phone call again. It was my friend with the caller I.D - "Historishitsu". Derived from a dog and my history search bar. Yeah. This friend of mine barks like a dog because he has this weird way of entertaining me, which is, of course, make fun of our other friends' by bringing back their mistakes that was already engraved in the history of times.Yeah it's weird to do that. Why would you make fun of someone's past mistakes to entertain someone else? A conversation starter? A make-fun-of topic? Sober thoughts? Y'know, that's just pure bullshit and I do not tolerate that at all. I'm your friend and you can make fun of me in the future so no. Stop calling me. I received another phone call. Now it felt different, my childhood friend's calling me now for the first time in forever. She's my childhood friend who ghosted me a long time ago. When I tried reaching her, I haven't heard a thing. She was my closest friend that's why it felt like a part of my body's not working and I have to adjust for months to fully recover from it. And even though I'd like to answer the call, I decided not to.It might sound odd but I no longer want her back. If you're going to leave me, then leave. I don't play beg-and-stay in my backyard so you're free to go. But coming back is not as easy as leaving. Actually when people left me, I don't accept them back. Relationships are like broken chandeliers. You might have the lights back, and the glassy structure of it, but the frantic feeling that it might get broken again anytime will linger in every strand of your hair, every fingertips, in every heartbeat. It can't be the same. So ,yeah, to my childhood friend, I hope you're fine on the other side of the phone. My coffee's getting warm so I did took a sip on it. "Ahh", I whispered in pleasure. I really love coffee. The taste of the coffee does not change, even when it's hot getting cold. And I swear if your relationships are like that, the hot-and-cold-taste-the-same kind of feeling, you can be the happiest man on Earth. I mean, consistency.Oh freak, I have another call. It's from my dad who abandoned me since my baptismal and since then I haven't seen him pray. He'd rather ask how's my cousin doing than ask how's my day. Never felt like a family from him. So if he's calling now after years to be a father to me now? No thanks. I'm fine. I don't need him before so what more now? Okay, I'm so done with phone calls, I'm about to shut my phone down when I saw my stepdad calling, which I figured so awkward to answer. We only talk when we physically see each other, especially if he has favors and lend me downs but casual fam talks? I don't feel that way either. I don't feel like answering it so I just have to ignore it. The ringing ended and it pops another phone call, and what I saw from the screen startled me. It's really weird. I don't know. Am I sane? And as it continues to ring, it's getting louder and louder.Am I dreaming? I punched myself and I felt the pain caused by my own fist. This is real. Fucking real. The caller I.D, it has my name on it.I'm trying to answer it but my hands were shaking. The call has ended and it made me realize that even I,I can't even attend to my own calls.