BLUE PROSES

I HAVE STOPPED BRINGING SENTIMENTS TO THE GRAVESTONE OF THE PERSON I USED TO BE

I have stopped bringing sentiments to the gravestone of the person I used to be ( photo screenshot from the film "I Want To Eat Your Pancreas" )

After watching this great nostalgic and tragic animated film, I saw a lot of similarities of Haruki and myself.

I enjoy peace and silence.
I don't care who's there and who's not. I know few limited people whom I know I can run into during earthquakes. I don't care who likes or dislikes me as long as I'm not consciously faking the hell out of it.
I'm not interested with their lives anyway. I'm fine here being quite distant and observing how they do things and I can figure out 'among us' who's the impostor. Lol. I don't like it when people starts prying into my life or putting their fingers in my cake. It might not seem fun to have just one or two, but believe me, you count your fingers both hands and toe, and tell me, name your pals and your closest alter ego, guess a hand is enough to count them. Haruki here is also a fan of literature. Like me, I romanticize fiction a lot. And to be honest, fiction will always be a new world for me and is better than the physical embodiment of life.
I have stopped being so active with groups and people that I know will just drain my energy. I have stopped telling my jokes to the people who doesn't laugh. I have stopped asking for help to the people I know who would just give me reasons not to help me. I have stopped reading chats and reacting on their social platforms so they wouldn't know I'm online. All those subject to me doing the juvenile things and I am so embarrassed I had reached doing that at some point.
I now unhold the hands of the people who wouldn't help me grow.
I now laugh to the people begging me to stay yet not giving me reasons why. I now grin when they ask for my help and yet not sending their gratitude. The grave of the person I used to be~ I'm laughing at him now. You, the old me is stupid.
And now? I am matured enough to comprehend the new life. The new chapters. The limited chances.
I may have lost myself. But I know behind it, behind the soul-searching. I know I have found a better me.