FORMULA 1 - One Shots (L.N.)

💔 Lando Norris - It's not like we are together

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Here I was, sitting beside my best friend on my bed in our shared apartment, crying my eyes out and wondering how I could be so dumb. I have only just found out that the guy I like and have a thing with, had a date with his ex-crush/almost girlfriend/friend with benefit. And I found out via social media as his fans were posting the whole day about them both meeting in Spain, where he has a race this weekend.

"Okay, tell me again what exactly happened and what you know?" Anna asked me as we have been analysing this whole situation for the last hour. "So Lando flew to Spain earlier this week because he had to get ready for the race, or so he told me. And Miranda, this girl, lives near Barcelona. Today on Instagram I then saw a lot of photos and videos of him in a city near Barcelona in front of a restaurant clearly doing non-race-things and Miranda apparently posted a story in her Instagram where she was at the very same restaurant as Lando. And then there was also a video where you could see that beside him in his car was somebody. So I think it's pretty clear." I told her annoyed and noticed how the tears came to my eyes again. "Hey, and even if this is really true, it could be just a meeting as friends." She tried to comfort me but I just laughed at that. "It is true! I had Lunch today with Max, Tom and Ellie and Max confirmed it. He told us how Lando traveled to Spain earlier because he planned to meet her. And not just that he also said that Miranda slept over at his hotel room that day and probably not just for sleep." Now I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Anna took me into her arms, hugging me close to her. "Shh, it's okay. But I have to ask you one more thing." I nodded, looking at her already knowing where this is going. "You told me that you and Lando are just friends with benefits. So if there are no feelings involved and you are not exclusive, why are you so mad at him. I mean I always said, that I think you two are way more than this! You two are my OTP! But...".

And yes I absolutely knew what she wanted to say with that and I sighed as I knew I now had to be honest with not only her but also myself. "You are right. I told you that we were just friends with benefits and we were. At the beginning. But I don't know, then we became so much more. We went out together and went home together, we had movie nights where I slept over at his just cuddling and laughing the whole night. We could talk about everything and he even asked me to go with him to his cousin's wedding. We also had dinner and game nights together with both of our families. It already felt like we were in a serious relationship and we once even talked about the possibilities of an us. All his friends also thought that we were together. But maybe it was just me who felt that way and for him at was the whole time just sex, having absolutely no feelings for me. Maybe I was just the gap-filler for the time that he couldn't be with her." I let out a groan as I was getting more frustrated thinking about this topic and I still didn't know what I should do next or how I should feel. What I knew for sure was that I am not just a replacement and that I don't want this friends with benefits-thing to go on.

I came to the decision to ignore or avoid him as long as possible and then tell him that I'm not in the mood for that shit anymore and I won't let him treat me like that. One day after the rumour of Lando and Miranda came up, Lando tried to call me but I ignored it. He even wrote me a few messages, one saying 'Hey, is everything ok? Can you please call me back? It is important.❤ ' but I also ignored them. I mean he now has another girl being there for him. Two days later on Sunday when the race was about to start, I got another message from him saying 'Wtf? Are you ignoring me or what? Please call me!' which made me angry again as he had no right for being angry with me. He was the one who slept with someone else, I never have and we never said that that would be okay at all. For me there was always just Lando.

I watched the race but Lando wasn't doing very well finishing P11. I knew that he would fly back Monday morning to the UK and in our group chat they were already discussing if we all go out together this night. But I told them that I had to study and that was not even a lie. I got away with this excuse for quite a while and was able to avoid Lando completely for a week. At some point he also stopped writing and calling me. I was still not over this whole thing with him and Miranda and couldn't get the image of them both together out of my head. She was perfect, she had a body like a model, she was everything I wasn't. And that hurt.

On Friday, I decided to take a break from studying and have a lazy day just watching series the whole day. Anna had to work today so she couldn't keep me company but that was okay. As I didn't plan on leaving the house I wore my sweatpants and a hoodie which I stole from Lando a while ago. Around noon the bell suddenly rang and I went to get the door. As I opened it I was caught off guard, Lando staying in front of me. He was checking me out and I could feel my cheeks getting red as I was not really in my best state. "Is this my hoodie? I already wondered where it went." he asked me. I wasn't in the mood for this so I asked "What do you want, Lando?". I think he was surprised with my attitude as he wasn't expecting this from me. "I wanted to see you. And I got the feeling that you didn't. So why were you ignoring me, did I do something?" he asked me. I didn't want to have this conversation in the middle of the corridor, so I told him to come in. We went into the living room standing across and looked into each others eyes. "You are asking me if you did something, are you kidding me? You told me that you were flying to Spain earlier because of some racing stuff but instead you met with Miranda so you could 'catch' up with her." I told him sarcastically. He looked at me irritated "I don't get it. Why are you so mad that I met with her or even slept with her? It's not like we are together. You agreed with my idea that we were just friends with benefits. So I don't see a problem here. But I am sorry that I lied to you about the racing stuff. Okay?". He walked towards me and wanted to take me in his arms, but not with me. His words really hurt and I had to swallow my tears.

So there were really only feelings involved on my part. "No Lando, it's not okay!" I said and my voice broke at the end. I couldn't hold back to tears anymore. "You are right, we are not together but I have fallen in love with you and I want more than just sex. But don't worry, you just told me very clearly that you have no feelings for me at all. And that's okay, but I don't want to go on like this, whatever this was between us is over and I think it's best if we don't see each other for a while. You can do whatever you want and I wish you all the best with Miranda. Now please go!" Now all was said and I walked to the front door, holding it open for him. Lando was speechless and just looked at me. "I don't know what to say." he said. "You don't have to say anything, please just go." I told him with all my strength. He nodded and left my apartment. So here I was, having just poured my heart out to the boy I'm in love with and he broke it into a thousand pieces in response.