A Two Year Desire

Chapter Six

I got stuck going to a ball with my mother since she was invited and gave me no choice but to come too. Yesterday when I came home after the fight or whatever it was with Mathias I found my mom in the couch with my brother talking about some gala thing. And some how I ended up losing Rock Paper Scissors and had to accompany my mom to this thing.

It was 11:00 and the party was still going so I decided to escape the people not before stealing a bottle of whiskey when the bartender wasn't looking and headed up the stairs to the roof of the hotel.

The view im met with, i've seen countless of times at different times during different seasons and it always somehow amazes me each time. I sit on the fire escape and watch the cars and the people below me in this world doing what were put to do. Live.

I'm so tired but I'm getting plenty of sleep. I'm never hungry anymore. I'm so cold and the only thing keeping me warm is this whiskey.I'm struggling between killing myself and killing everyone around me. And mathematically the first seems more logical.

I'm trying to figure out the equation for happiness but there variables but I was never really that good at algebra. I feel like I've hit that part of the movie where the hero walks away from the explosion in slow motion but instead of turning my back I'm trapped in the fire and everything else is moving so fast.

I feel every cell in my body getting burned  up so when anyone tells me to stay strong I smile politely but I don't know what they mean. Instead I'll keep quiet as hope someone can still hear me because no matter how hard it hurts I'll still say 'I'm fine'

"Hey" a voice behind me says quickly taking me out of my daze and turning my gaze to the blonde in a blue gown dress.

"Alex?" She smiles before nodding "what are you doing here I thought not to be mean but aren't you poor" I slur out half drunk but I still hear her laugh. 

"No" she laughs unknowingly I give her a confused look my brain keeps messing with me, not sure if im finally drunk and am hallucinating or she's actually here. "I was sent to your school by my father as a scholarship to learn the "importance" of money which is why everyone knows me as the scholarship girl and it's not poor it's middle class"

"Still no money. why don't you correct anyone- like me- about people saying you have any money?" I ask her as she takes a seat besides me.

"People love to assume which is why I never tell anyone anything, I don't need to explain myself that in reality I have money for people to like me" she explains.

"Like you" she says when I don't say anything instead I take a drink "Me?" I hiccup, ah shit the whiskey is working

"Yeah you didn't like me because you thought I didn't have any money" I smile because it's true.

"It's how I was raised if someone doesn't have as much money as I do I can't associate with them" I take another gulp of my bottle "So if I had told you I had money would you like me?"

"I never disliked you I just couldn't be around with someone like you well not anymore you get what I'm saying" I wave it off "I like you you're smart and really pretty but I was built to think that the amount of money you have is how much people will like you"

"Is that why your group is so closed off?" I nod "Yeah we have known each other for a pretty long time so we have only each other and we have been betrayed so many times by others we don't really talk to anyone else besides each other"All of our parents worked together on projects and so many other stuff making us grow up with each other. People would try and be friends with us but they were from a lower social standard and we were taught that if they don't reach the same amount of money we have they aren't worth being friends with.