A Two Year Desire

Chapter Thirteen

Earlier I decided to go to the gym because I thought it was the best Idea especially since I saw Mathias car in the driveway as he was pulling in. Im doing my best to avoid him but it's getting kinda hard when hes my brothers best friend and we go to same school plus he's constantly at my house.

Once I saw his black porsche pulling in I quickly got my gym bag and head out the door bidding my goodbyes to Nico. People can call me a pussy for not staying and facing a stupid guy but anyone would do it too if the guy kind of rejected you two years ago and keeps on flirting any chance he gets. It's not that can't face him im capable of not stuttering or blushing when he's around but there's something in my gut telling me to run away. I've been doing it for years I ran away to london for weeks after my dad left, I run its what i've known my whole life. It's the only thing from keeping me from going ballistic all these years. Driving around town was peaceful and quiet not like in the city where everyone is yelling or the beeping of cars.

Since I brought my gym bag with me I thought might as well get some workouts in. Thirty minutes in I was pretty tired I forgot the rush I got when I worked out some people might find it boring but I find in peaceful and calming but that's only when my ribs or thighs aren't hurting.

Once I got into the treadmill I begin to wonder about him, I know I believe that he didn't like me but did he? I mean was there ever a point in time where he thought of us together? Where there could be the slightest possibility that he could even consider feeling the same way I did? Even for just a second? Was he ever happy talking to me even for just a short second? was there ever a slight chance of time where he liked me the way I liked him? They say don't fall for those with the pretty eyes but I did anyways didn't think or should be surprised when he used me  as another one of his story lines.

liking him wasn't just painful, it was fucking damaging also. It wasn't me sitting down on a couch surrounded by friends as we watched movies and ate food to try and forget him. It was me standing up at four in the morning because the thought of him was so fucking strong I couldn't even close my eyes without seeing his face.

It was me swallowing thickly and blinking back tears every time I was in public, the hole in my chest causing breaths to come out shaky rather than normal. It was me laughing at things for no reason as my stomach turned because the urge of falling apart was getting stronger. It was me crying at random hours during the day and me not wanting to get out of bed... It was me  deleting our conversations and regretting it because now I couldn't know where we had went wrong. It fucking hurt, losing him had hurt and I wasn't able to forget that kind of pain.

When he said "Good bye lin" It broke my heart, but I did not make a sound. I simply watched the pieces fall silently, to the ground. My biggest mistake wasn't falling for him though it was me thinking that there was a possibility from all those sneaky looks or cute comments and protectiveness I loved so much or that jealousy that maybe there's a chance he liked or had fallen for me too.

I have always thought there was something romantic about fighting for someone. About winning them back. Eventual happiness. But here I am with stones in my chest. Where hope used to lie. I have come to realize that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to like him. My dad fought for My mom over and over again I always thought about how romantic it was but he was chasing her not the other way around. And I have come to realize I have to let him go for real this time. I have to.

"Hey you okay" A blond guy comes up to me he looks about our age hazel eyes good built body. He almost looks like a greek god. He was sort of sweaty but he looked shinny at the same time he's wearing no shirt and jesus christ he was wearing grey sweat pants, he was slightly taller than me, he seems to be the same height as Mathias 6'1- 6'2.