A Two Year Desire

Chapter Fourty Eight

Adelina

As kids everyone is told their roles a girl has to be perfect at all times, her body can't be shown  or reveleved in anyway or shes a hoe looking for attention if she doesn't wait until marriage others assume she's a slut if she can't act feminine she's a lesbian, if she doesn't act like a woman or girl she's a want to be man.

I hate life, my life is perfect in the outside world I have money I have rich parents I have fame I have a perfect guy my face and body is what others wished they looked like im basically living the perfect game buts that's all I am im a game in reality I hate myself I hate the way I look I wish that my arms weren't so boney or that my legs weren't so pale and a whole different color than the rest of me. my nose is slightly slanted and it's not the perfect button nose  I wish so many things I have the money to fix it but If I do then im fake.

My mother basically hates me and want everything to not be related to be in any way even though im her daughter and my dad lets not even start he's not even in my life. He left because he couldn't handle it.

Im not a brave person, I never was there are things about myself I can't explain to anyone. There are some things I don't  understand at all. I can't tell what I think about things or what im after. I don't know what my strengths are or what im supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets too scary and if I get scared I can only think about myself, I become really self centered and without meaning to I hurt people so im not such a wonderful human being.

I have him in my life, hes perfect even though he isn't my love for him in real as it could be I miss him when he's around but miss him bigger if he's not, he has told me about his fears, his trauma, he's been 100 percent real with me and keeps trying to show me that what he did before was the old him the him that did not care about me. But their is this slight doubt in the back of my head that what he says are just words that im being stupid for this second chance but I keep reminding myself that last time we weren't together this time it's a whole different story.

Just as I keep thinking about it nico walks through the door with a bags of a restaurant I haven't heard of in years.

"No fucking way you bought Tilly's!"  yelling I go to him at the doors helping him by grabbing  a bag.

"Hell yeah I was coming back from practice and saw it bro I almost got into a car crash this fucking car wouldn't move and it was only a hour before they closed." He rambles on as he stuffs his face with chicken tenders.

When we were younger there wasn't a day that we didn't make our nanny buy us tillys after school was when we got it the most even though we had a private chef at home each time we would get something different in the menu because we thought there wasn't a single bad thing on it and we were right they used to change what they would sell each month and we loved each thing sometimes we would bring Liam and Mathias and they loved it too.

"I bought all the things we missed over the years" He laughs.

Thoughts of me getting fat started to cloud my mind but I didn't listen I had to learn that it's just a voice and it can't over power my decisions at the end of the day im that voice and I have to get control.

"You want some?" He hands me a red box of a burger I contemplate the decision before putting the deliciousness in my mouth letting the satisfaction fill my stomach.

I love food, I always have it's just the thought of it impacting my life that I decide I got big because of it makes the feeling of enjoying food uneasy.

We couldn't finish everything so we called for backup once again. Liam and Grace pop up with grins on their face once they catch the white bags from Tilly's sprung across the table.

"You guys okay over there?" Grace laughs entering the kitchen as they catch sight of Nico and I on the floor with food on our laps

"Bro shit hit" Nico speaks

"They're still in business?" Liam asks holding up a bag that had a delicious chocolate moose cake in it. "No shit idiot we just went back in time and naught some" Liam holds up his middle finger at Nico's sassy remark.

"You guys are going to get sick from all this food what in the right went through your head"

"I think it's your heads " I correct him "No I said what I said shut up you guys are twins"

"Only because we're twins doesn't mean we share a brain"

"Shut the fuck up and hand me a chicken tender and cheese sauce" Nico does as he says "Fuck I missed this place"

"Remember when we used to go like everyday day after school that the coiffeurs had to take other routes just so we didn't have the urge to go" we all laugh at the memory

It was always just us and Mathias we were always such as close friend group and as spoiled as we all were we still knew how not to be dicks to each other we had our fights from times but giving each other an ice cream or money always solved the problem. We couldn't really socialize with kids that were not at our level of wealth because  of  how strict our parents would be they would say that poor people always smelled or that they were lazy.

Stupid shit was always said and for a time we listened until we got tired of their bullshit, Alex
Dylan and Max might not be super wealthy but that didn't stop them from being really good friends that we have learned to appreciate, it was a shame after Alex left she was my best friend even though I didn't know her long she understood me in ways others didn't. I've known Grace since we were young she was never just a friend or a best friend she has always been a sister in my eyes.

I feel particularly guilty for what happened to Alex in wasn't there the day that the kidnapping happen she had called me that day to hang out with her but I wasn't in the mood so I didn't respond if I had just gotten of my ass and went with her maybe she would still be living in town and not off in some other state trying not to relive trauma. I could only imagine the shit they did to her.

The ginger next to me if devouring his chicken as the blonde next to him nibbles on some fries.

"When do you guys leave for college?"

"In two weeks, it's such a drag getting all my stuff and moving it at my new place"

"Your not moving it the movers are" Grace scoffs at her boyfriend "Duh it's what they're paid to do but I still have to decide and actually pack it"

"You make your housekeepers do that"

"Shut up" Liam puts his hands up in defense "Are you guys living in a dorm or apartment?"

"Liam and I are getting a place and Grace her own" Nico explains "How so?"

"I always wanted to live alone and it's not like this bitch isn't going to come over each time"

"You called me a bitch?"

"Yes I did Ginger got a problem?" 

"No love you"  Liam smiles at his girlfriend.