tonight | dnf

chapter twenty.

The two stood at the door embracing in a goodbye hug, as Sapnap wanted to visit some family later in the day. He would've stayed longer, maybe a day or two since George offered, but with his grandmother sick he was inclined to visit her in the nursing home. They were close and had been since he was young, she didn't have long left. George understood fully and only wanted him to be careful on the roads there since it was downpouring.

"You sure you're not hungry?" George asked, trying to spend as much time with Sapnap as he could.

"Yeah, I'll pick something up later."

He handed Sapnap his bag off the floor. "Okay, just be safe, the roads are slippery and you never know what can happen, just don't be on your phone or anything, okay?"

He nodded and slung his bag over his shoulder. "You too, talk later yeah?"

"Mhm, of course. I love you so much, Sap."

Sapnap furrowed his brows in confusion, it wasn't often George handed out "I love yous" let alone ever, so it made Sapnap nervous. It was most likely because of what happened to Dream, but Sapnap still got a bad gut feeling--a pit in his stomach. "I love you too, text me if you need anything." 

George stole one more hug from Sapnap before turning from the door to leave back to his room. After last nights movie marathon, karaoke, and late night video games George felt more drained than usual, he was ready to go back to sleep or at least lay in bed until he was well rested.

He climbed under the covers and buried his face into the pillow, which is when he heard the familiar light pattering of paws and small meows. He lifted his head to find Cat, jumping up besides him and curling up into a ball besides him. 

He pet her lightly, listening to her rather loud purrs as she kneaded the blanket. He laid his head back down and tried to relax, but he was restless and jittery. 

No matter how much he moved around or switched positions his body wouldn't let him sleep, so naturally he got irritated. It was constant mood swings with him. One moment he'd be happy or at least content and giving all his love to Cat, the next he'd be pissed off at the world and universe, then he'd be upset that Dreams scent was fading from his tear stained pillow. And then over again, it felt like a never ending curse, everything did nowadays.  

And now it was the point in the cycle he was crying again. When Dream died it felt like his world crumbled then and there, but Sapnap was there to help put it somewhat together. Now? It was his breaking point. He couldn't bare to go on, to live every day wishing it were his last. To live not taking care of himself, not being available for his friends. He tried moving on, but it felt impossible and it was mentally draining him, he was just tired. Emotionally and physcially.

He knew what he needed to do. 

George looked down to Cat and placed a kiss in between her ears, blinking his own tears away as he got out of bed.

 He'd been dwelling on it for days, weeks, and tonight he was committing to it. 

He ambled into the bathroom and flicked on the lights, opening the cabinet and looking upon all the prescribed medicines. His chest tightened and his breaths got shaky, did he really want to do this? 

Of course he did,

Tonight was the night he was going to see Dream.