tryst - an ashaangi ff

xii

Sivaangi prided herself on being a tough girl. From being under the spotlight from such a young age, and she had received criticism at its lowest form. But she learnt to toughen up and be bold about herself, that's how she got here. She always learned to not feel too burdened or pressurized by anything.

But here she was, heart thumping, almost jumping out of her chest. They stood infront of the chefs, while they commented on Ashwin's dish, saying it wasn't his usual standard. She stood behind him, and glancing at his usual passive face. She didn't know what he was thinking, and it frustrated her. She knew what this meant, they would have to go for the elimination round. She kept in for the cameras, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding in when they called for a break.

She searched for him all around the set, and found him in his dressing room, sat by the window, scrolling through his phone probably checking his recipe. She went over there, and stood near him, capturing his attention. He looked up and gave her a strained smile. She sat down across him and sighed.

"Enna achu?".

She felt guilty, she felt guilty for so many reasons. For putting him in this situation, for putting herself in this situation. She felt guilty for feeling like this when this is the last thing he needed, he needed for her to be supportive not whining. She opened to speak her mouth, but she didn't know what to say, shrinking into the chair. He looked at her expectantly, silently taking one of her hands in his.

"Bayama iruku." she whispered faintly, and she hated herself for being so vulnerable. He chuckled quietly and held on tightly to her hands and said, "I'm not going anywhere, inga illa na enna, veliya paaka maatoma?, ivalo thooram vandhadhe periya vishayam."

Sivaangi looked at him and shook her head vehemently, "Apadi sollathinga Ashwineyy, neenga irupinga, neenga finals varaikum povinga". He nodded brightly and said, "Athan nee nambarala? Aparam enna? Nee athe mathri enaku energy koodatha porum". Sivaangi looked at him at disbelief, how was he so calm and collected in such a moment?. But she toughened up for him.

But when it came to the moment of judging, she felt like bursting out at that moment. Her chest tightened and she found it very hard to breathe. She didn't want to disappoint, and she didn't want to be a hindrance to him. She took a few steps behind, keeping her head down, afraid that if she looked up they would see the held back tears. But there was no need for that, because he was saved.

There was no way to explain the relief she felt at that moment, like a rock had been taken away from her chest, she could breathe easily. After saying farewells to Pavi Akka, who she would miss dearly, they wrapped up the shoot and they were huddled up giving pats on the back to Ashwin.

"Romba tension aaitya?", she turned and found Kani akka standing there. Sivaangi smiled in response, watching everybody laugh and make jokes. "Avalo aasaiya Ashwin jeikanumnu?" she asked her. Sivaangi blushed slightly in response, not knowing what to say and just nodded.

"Yen?"

Sivaangi blinked at her, for some reason the question kept echoing around her mind. "Yen unnaku avalo paasam avan mela?". Sivaangi searched the ground for an answer. She truly didn't know why, she had come to terms that she liked him and felt attracted but why is she so affected? Why does the prospect of him losing make her feel queasy?.

"Do you love him?"

Sivaangi looked at Kani akka, baffled. She then looked at Ashwin. Does she love him? She know how she felt, but she was hesitant to call it what it was, in fear of it not being reciprocated. She wanted it to be a passing cloud, because she was scared, but it wasn't and she didn't know what to do about it. Kani akka placed a hand on her shoulder and said, "Romba yosikatha, silla vishayangal lam simple eduthu than nallathu."

She felt so overwhelmed with feelings that she didn't know what to do. She looked around at the set, briefly meeting his eyes, before she pushed away and sprinted out of the set. Ashwin's eyes followed her as she ran out, and he looked at Kani Akka who just smiled simply. He followed her outside, finding her in the same place they were star gazing.

"Sivaangi!", he called out, but she didn't look back. He jogged to where she was, and she was looking up at the sky. "Sivaangi?" he said again, and she looked at him and he could see that her doe eyes had tears in them now. "Hey, enna achu?", he asked softly, grabbing her shoulders. She looked at him so intensely that he felt speechless for a moment.

"Why do I feel so scared for you Ashwineyy?", she breathed out. The clouds crackled above them, the sky turning gloomy. He didn't know what to say, how would he speak for her? She felt so frustrated, at the space between them, why doesn't he cross the line? Why does he have to be so damn righteous all the time?

"Sivaangi", he drawed out slowly, he felt so nervous. "Listen I've never done this before, and I don't know how to say this.", he said, removing his hands to run them through his hair. He grabbed a hold of her hands and said,

"I don't have much in my life, Sivaangi. Friends, family, money, fame, love. And I've thought about why I don't have any of this. Maybe I don't deserve it, maybe I'm not meant to have all of this.". The air was cool and goosebumps rose on her body, but she wasn't sure if it was because if the wind or his words.

"But then I met you, and I wanted to be a person worthy of love, I wanted to be a person worthy of you. And I was scared, I thought I'd have to change myself for that, but I didn't, and I-", he didn't know how to express how grateful he was for her. The clouds had started shedding tears at his confession by now, it was as movie like it could get."I still don't know if I am worthy, but all I know is that if I need to get through this, I need you. You've changed me, I don't how or why, but if I need to be happy, I need you".

They were drenched in the rain, their hearts mirroring the emotion. Sivaangi was speechless, she stared at him and she felt her tears get masked in the rain. It somehow felt like a sign, from the universe, saying that the tears shed for him would be as beautiful as rain. She looked at their entwined fingers, and back up at his eyes, filled with anticipation and love.

She finally opened her mouth to speak, "When you stood there today, I didn't know how to feel or what to do, I felt so lost, because I thought you wouldn't be there anymore, and I-", the words were stuck in her throat, she truly didn't know how to encapsulate her feelings.

"I love you", he finished for her, and the rain danced on them like music.

She nodded, smiling, before wrapping her arms around his waist, laying her head on his chest, listening to the thumping of his heart. He rested his head on top of hers, holding her close, and the grey clouds thundered in applause, the rain singing a song of its own.

kumo ga watashitachi no tame ni utai, ame ga odoru.

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( trans :- the clouds sing for us and the rain dances)

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hi hi makkale!

i felt guilty about curving you guys last chapter, so double update!

it's finally here!! i hope you liked. i don't know if the rain thing was too cliche but, when I started writing this, it started raining here so it just came to me naturally.

i wanted to make it as sweet and emotional as possible so I hope you guys liked it! please tell me if you did or didn't. i love reading comments so please do that! don't forget to vote and all.

oh and I'm also on twitter now, it's @saisthoughts, so go give me a follow!

love,
sai.

p.s:- i usually don't add songs, but i thought that song would be perfect for this!