Falling Slowly | Ricky Bowen

22- Pre-show Jitters

"My beautiful babies, gather round for some housekeeping," Miss Jenn clapped her hands, gaining all of our attention; we were 35 minutes away from showtime, and my anxiety was getting worse by the minute; why did I think I could do this? Carlos pulled me up, dragging me beside him; he wore a floral suit while I was stuck in my Kelsi costume; complete with the hat and fake glasses; luckily, Kourtney was a godsend, and the costume had been revamped slightly.

Miss Jenn continued once we all formed a circle. "as most of you know, our dazzling Taylor had to leave under family circumstances. Gina sends her love and support to all of you, but unfortunately, she's on the East Coast and won't be able to make it to tonight's performance. And so, I have asked Kourtney to fill in in her stead." Everyone cheered and clapped. I applauded along; even though I missed Gina and was sad, we never got more time together after we worked out our differences. I was happy someone as talented as Kourtney was taking over; she deserved it.

"So, now, what I would like to do is, please think of a word or phrase from the show that expresses where your head is or your goals for tonight. If anyone wants to share?" Miss Jenn left the conversation open, waiting for students to add in when they please.

Everyone glanced around the room, waiting for someone to speak first, "you're my guys, and this is our team!" Big Red went first.

"What if you wanna try something new, and it's a total disaster and all your friends laugh at you?" Ricky quotes nervously; it was crazy to think at the start of this that's all it was; Ricky didn't seem like a newbie to the theatre anymore; he belonged here, we both did.

I take a breath before reciting the line that came to my mind. "So lonely before, I finally found, what I've been looking for," I say the song lyric, ducking my head as everyone turns to look at me. These lyrics perfectly described how I felt, and I think Carlos agrees; because he reaches over, squeezing my hand. Before this, we had no one; this musical and all the people apart of it were our people.

"Oh, um..." Nini goes next, "Do you ever feel like there's this whole other person inside of you just looking for a way to come out?"

"Do the romp, and strut your stuff," Carlos went next, doing a small dance in his spot; more people went next, all of us laughing at the quotes and scenes they'd chosen; Seb, who stood on the other side of me went last.

"Sharpay's kinda cute too,"

In unison, we all responded to his comment, "so is a mountain lion, but you don't pet it."

Miss Jenn smiled at all of us proudly, "And I'll just say, no matter what happens tonight, we're all in this together," I squeezed Carlos' hand, "Okay, Wildcats!" Miss Jenn yelled, her voice rising with excitement, "Take a moment to settle your nerves. If we had a curtain, it'd be up in twenty minutes!" everyone cheered as we dispersed, all getting their last-minute things ready.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I let out a breath, anxiously tugging the sleeves of my jacket, "I feel like I'm gonna be sick," I admit; I knew that wasn't actually true, but my anxiety kept telling me otherwise.

"You're going to be fine, Eloise," Carlos reassured, "Kelsi is only in a few scenes, and most of them you're just playing the piano, I'll be in the wings the entire time; so, if it's too much, just look for me okay."

"Have I ever told you that you're the best, best friend ever?"

Carlos simply shrugged in response, "eh, once or twice," I giggled as he pulled me in for a hug, which was followed by Sebastian joining in, "so, have you talked to Ricky at all since the you know what?"

I shook my head; I was still assistant director, so today I had helped painting sets and getting the theatre (cafeteria) ready for the show; I didn't have any time, "Nope, I will, though."

"You might be sooner than you think," Sebastian spoke, his eyes wide, "we'll give you two some space," As Sebastian dragged Carlos away, I turned to see Ricky walking up to me.

"Hey," He breathed, "I can't believe we made it here," He admits, gesturing to the bustling room.

I nod; I didn't think I would last this long, "yeah," I let out an airy laugh, "against all odds, right?"

"Yeah," Ricky chuckled, "I just thinking the same thing." Silence fell over us; come on, Eloise, you've got this, just tell him how you feel.

"Hey, that other night, in the theatre, in that room, I, um...." I pause, trying to figure out how to say it; I've never admitted my feelings to a guy before.

"Oh," Ricky shook his head, speaking before I could get the rest of my confession out, "listen, that..." he dragged off, "no worries, I get it; it was a tough day, we were all in a really weird place, we can just forget it if you want?"

My heart drops, and I try not to let my emotions show on my face. That's all it was to Ricky then, just a spur of a moment thing, but I didn't want to drop it; it was all I could think about. "yeah," I nod anyway. "Um, I should probably finish getting ready," I excuse myself; Ricky nods, and I walk away, quickly making my way over to Carlos and Seb.

"So," Carlos sang, "how'd it go? Did you talk about the kiss? Did you tell him how you feel? Does he-"

"Honey," Sebastian cut Carlos off, shaking his head, "let Eloise speak," He laughed, nodding for me to go on.

"He said, and I quote, "we can just forget it happened if you want," I inform them, trying my best not to break down, "So, I guess we know how Ricky feels...."

"Eloise," Carlos tsked me, shaking his head, "He's clearly into you," I quirk an eyebrow at Carlos, and Sebastian explains.

"he said, if you want," Sebastian says, "He was testing the waters to see if you were interested," He explained, as if it were obvious, "what'd you say?"

"I said yeah," I tell them; I was slowly regretting my decision to walk away; if I would've told Ricky I didn't want to forget, would he have admitted he didn't want to either? Why did guys have to be so complicated, "and then I came over here."

"Eloise," Carlos groaned in annoyance.

Seb hit his arm lightly, "it's not her fault guys suck at communicating," Carlos nodded in agreement to that, "honestly, if Ricky likes you, which I'm 99% sure he does, he should come and tell you that himself."

"Seb's right," Carlos nodded, "you deserve a guy who isn't afraid to straight-up admit they're into you."

"So, I..."

"Wait for Ricky to say something," Carlos said, "for now, enjoy tonight; this is your moment, Eloise." He squeezed my hand before walking away, over to Ricky, who was currently rehearsing some choreography; Carlos was right, right now, Ricky was the last thing I should be worried about; we did have a show to put on after all.

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