being the only one in the class without a friend was hard.
kokichi watched as shuichi, maki, and kaito talked together, crowding around kaito's desk. tenko and himiko were very roundabout flirting, and kaede and miu were being "losers in love" as he always called it. simply put, everyone here had someone.
he'd be lying if he said he didn't, though. he had his boyfriend, shuichi. though kokichi had a suspicion that shuichi didn't actually want to be with him. who would? he was just a manipulative, annoying, cunning little—
"hey, kichi? ready to head home?" his thoughts were interrupted by none other than said boyfriend.
"..oh, yeah, sure.." he said, lazily packing his things into his bag and following shuichi out the door.
on their way home, shuichi noticed that kokichi was quieter than usual. it was a bit strange, considering the other boy was usually so loud and energetic.
"you okay?" he asked.
"..yeah, i'm all good! don't worry about it," kokichi said, and spared him a bright smile.
the rest of their walk was silent.
opening the door for kokichi, shuichi tried to understand what seemed to be making him feel so upset. shuichi wasn't an idiot; he knew a fake smile when he saw one. especially coming from kokichi.
he snapped out of his daze and rushed inside, where kokichi was already sitting on the couch and trying desperately not to cry.
he sat next to him, sliding his arm around the other's shoulders, pulling him into a loose embrace. "hey, you're sure you're alright?" he said as he put a gentle hand under kokichi's chin, tilting his face upwards slightly to have him look at him.
kokichi averted eye contact. "ah, shuichi. you always catch me red-handed, huh?" he joked.
shuichi let go. "i guess i do, huh." he said sadly. "what's the matter, love?"
kokichi winced at that word. he knew shuichi didn't really love him, no one did.
he decided to just blurt it out. "do you love me?" he asked, almost desperately.
shuichi just stared at him. then he smiled. "is that it?" he asked softly.
kokichi meekly nodded.
shuichi leaned over and pressed a lasting kiss into kokichi's forehead. "of course i love you, kichi. i love you more than anything in the world."
it's a funny thing, lying is. playing with someone's mind, making them believe anything you want them to. it's not new to kokichi. he knows this better than anyone. so when shuichi blatantly lies to him like this, he catches on quickly.
"..you're lying.." he mumbled, scooting away from shuichi a little.
shuichi stayed still for a moment. then he took kokichi's hand in his own. "..i'm not lying to you, kokichi. what on earth makes you think that..?"
kokichi's eyes were glossing over with tears. he couldn't go on like this.
"..i know you are. everyone is. i'm not loveable, shuichi. anyone who thinks they love me? is an idiot." he started to let his tears fall.
that made shuichi's heart shatter. "..who told you that?" he scooted closer to kokichi.
"it's not important. it's right, isn't it? you don't love me. you never have." he felt himself start to shake.
shuichi put a hand on his cheek to calm him. it barely worked, but he tried nonetheless.
"i promise you, kokichi. i love you to the moon and back," he said as he pulled him into a hug.
kokichi froze. this couldn't be right. he can't be loved. he couldn't be loved.
hesitantly, he hugged back. before dating shuichi, he'd never had experience with any sort of physical contact before. so he was still learning.
shuichi pulled away and cupped kokichi's cheeks, wiping tears from his face. "please believe that."
kokichi looked away. "..i'll try."
shuichi smiled. "good." he kissed his forehead again.
that made kokichi question something again.
maybe he could be loved.
