Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Chapter 18, End of Part 1: Splat

(highly recommend playing this while reading)

There i am, falling at great velocity
what led me to this decision?
was it all really bad?

was life too hard for me to give up?
or im just unable to see reality?
was it a moment of weakness?

however, now i can see
the things ill leave behind me,
my friends and family.

My friends have branded me with accolades of great achievements,
but to me i saw it empty,
i was a husk, but to them i was whole,
my days went better when spent with them,
another laugh and a goof to soothe it,
i could almost forget about my bruises

i remember those nights of old,
we would spend together talk about roles,
of what we would become,
of what we would have wanted to be,
who couldve known that this was the ending for me?

i hope that they have very fullfilling lives,
im sorry my friends for taking the easy way out
i know that you guys wouldve said,
"we will be with you, and never be in doubt!"
thanks guys, that really means alot,
i could hear your tears from up here,
i hate to see you shedding tears, weeping for me

im selfish, i didint want to share my load,
this world needed less of me,
or so i was told

i couldve continued on, and persevered through
but fuck they got me,
i was at my witts end
i couldnt fight anymore, my friends,

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

i didnt want you to carry the load
"if you give us happiness, who would give you, your own?"

i love all of you, until the day that i died
i even remebered the times we all smiled

i regret following through with this decision
i wish for reincarnation

if there is one thing i regret the most,
its that i never even got to see you
for one last time,
in flesh and bone.

I will miss this world, it was hard but it was home,
i always feared that i was alone,
i sat alone at home and let it fester
it brewed overnight and turned into a jester
it changed how i saw everything
why did it have to happen,
i miss eating good food or
pretend i like the media im watching

to my lovely girlfriend.
who's always had my back
you're probably wondering
where im at,
i hope that you are snuggled up and comfortable
for the bad new is unsufferable
i didint want you to carry my pain
i didint want you to worry for me
i wanted you to have a full life
even if means taking myself out
of the picture
i already miss you,
you cold hands are ill miss too
i couldnt fullfill my promise
i didint want it to sound tragic
i want you to live your life
i know i made a few mistakes in mine
one of them was jumping off without having you in mind, im selfish, i wanted it to be about me
i would'nt want you to suffer like me
please take care of kuiper
always change his diaper
your smile sends me, ill remember the times we spent together for eternity.

and to everyone i have had the pleasure of meeting
you are all good people for involving
yourself, in interacting with me
dark and gloomy days went past by me
i know you probably dont care, or are in shock from what had occured, i dont even recall what event just occurred
just know that im happy that i have met you
you validated my existence, and to that i thank you
i wish you all a blessed happy life
im sinking faster into the light.

my parents who have brought me onto this world
i know i didint turn out the way you wanted
i know that you are probably disappointed
i know that you loved me dearly
im sorry i went first before you did
i hope i somehow have made you proud

my death is probably gonna be my biggest crowd, thats one hell of an achievement, im somewhat proud

a death of a nobody,
a death of a whisper in the wind
a man whos bound to be forgotten
a man bound to his will
someone who never wanted to inflict pain
but did so in the worst way he could
suicide never ends the pain
it only passes it on to the next person
now i lie here falling at great velocity
im about to commit this atrocity,
what led me to this decision?
was it all really bad?
there were options i always had
i wish that someone told me that
"you can do it man!"
a cheering voice, that i always heard
i silenced it anyway, believing it was false
here i lie waiting for the invitabilityo of my decision
this is it im about to go--

Splat.