Title: You Must Remember This (@FranklinBarnes )
The name is funny because I wrote this, forgot to copy and paste it when I suspended it, and now I have to remember the story well enough to write another review.
Don't worry, I made notes the first time.
Audience: Adult
While plenty of adults enjoy reading young adult stories focused around high schoolers, I'm not sure you'll have much luck finding readers for an adult story focused around high schoolers.
Genre: Literary fiction
Initial thoughts: Do I remember it?
Hook - I'm struggling to find one. The intended genre is a slow one and the intended audience is a generally patient one, regardless a hook is what keeps an audience reading and three chapters deep with no hook is bad for business.
A hook is a first chapter thing out of necessity.
Characters - There were a lot of them and I got mercilessly bounced between their povs. Even while reading it I had a difficult time differentiating the characters from each other.
Syntax - Really wordy. To quote my notes, I've read epic fantasy tomes that spent less time on meandering setting descriptions and I still had a hard time figuring out the configuration of the school.
This could definitely use some exercises in word effectiveness.
Technicality - Decent, there were some very minor mistakes.
Formatting - Pass!
Final thoughts:
5/10 I wish I could speak more positively on this story but it needs a lot of work in terms of clarity and word effectiveness.
Extra: "he resisted the urge to sweat" That is literally impossible in every way.
