Title: The World in Ashes (@Themysterygirl01 )
"The World in Ashes" - main character named "Ash" - haha.
Audience: 13-18
That's Young Adult.
Genre: Fantasy
Initial Thoughts: I did not read the trigger warnings closely enough the first time. Oh well.
Hook: It's a fight between light and dark! Who will win? Probably the light, like it always does. It's kind of a cliche, but a timeless tale nonetheless.
Characters: The personification of light, the personification of darkness, a cursed teen and the world's best five-year-old!
The narrator also gets some characterization. They are apparently a universe-travelling observer who has picked the planet this story takes place on the same way the Doctor picked Earth. I don't often see narrator's get this much attention in 3rd person stories and it was nice to see it done here.
As far as Evelyn and Adelard go, I felt their story could have been a little more subtle, but it accomplished it's purpose.
And then there's the main character, Ash, who is five at the start of the story and being sent to high school for... socialization reasons? Now, I'm willing to believe an incredibly intelligent 'chosen one' five-year-old, but if her parents' goal was to socialize her then they probably should have sent her to preschool with the other five-year-olds.
Ash has Mary Sue potential, but I didn't see enough of her to make that call so I'll leave it alone.
Syntax: Every three reviews I have to re-Google the definition of syntax. Anyways. The syntax in this story isn't bad, it's also not terribly memorable. Most of what I read was world history and backstory, which makes sense with the genre. If I'd read further I would have liked to see more in-depth magic development, since we got a basic idea that there is magic in this world, but not how that magic works.
Technicality: Some minor mistakes, like double punctuation.
Formatting: I love the section plates and the headers. They're well designed and add a nice touch.
Final Thoughts:
8/10 It's a decent start, if a little cliché.
