Title: Firstborn (@HenwinHarp )
The cover for this is really pretty.
Audience: 16-25
Genre: Fantasy
Initial Thoughts: I have a man cold and I'm using monster energy as cold medicine (-﹏-。)
Hook: The main hook of the story hasn't appeared yet, however I'm willing to forgive this since Bahar and Barnaby's secret argument acts as a pre-hook that will eventually tie-in to the main hook.
All that to say, the story has-- so far-- a good hook.
Characters: The main character, Leon, kind of gives me slimeball vibes. Like he would stab Barnaby in the back if it meant keeping his own skin safe. He's a bit entitled, consequences of his upbringing. I don't necessarily like him as a person, but he's a well-written character that makes sense within the world and that I can appreciate.
Barnaby is a puppy with substance issues. He's my favourite, so far. Bahar is a really good contrast to him both in personality and physical appearance, and I like her black tongue.
There are more side characters, but Leon and Barnaby are present the most in the chapters I read. All the characters are really well written.
Syntax: The writing style is solid! The pacing suits the genre and story, and the descriptors and flow and everything in between are well done and well balanced. I also really enjoyed the additional worldbuilding of the fantasy terms and their definitions.
Technicality: Pass!
Formatting: The formatting was mostly clean. The lines separating the definitions from the chapters are different lengths, for consistency's sake you could copy and paste the same line to make them match.
Final Thoughts: One day I will give out a perfect ten.
9.5/10
Maybe. Too bad about those lines.
This is a really good story, go read it!
