Title: Angel Full of Flowers (@writingjuniper)
Audience: Young adult
Genre: Teen fiction
Initial thoughts: Good thing I like anime!
Hook - Interesting hook! Pretty straight to the point, very anime-ish indeed.
Characters - The characterization is pretty even throughout the three chapters. Angel and Magnolia are both interesting characters. I found Camellia to err on the side of the basic YA main character but there's nothing wrong with that. Her writing letters to her mom is a cute way to sprinkle in her thoughts on things.
Syntax - The syntax is heavily reminiscent of many other anime-inspired stories. I don't find the pacing and writing style of manga translates well into novel writing. It always feels like a lot is missing, because the way you read a manga or a graphic novel is vastly different from the way you would read a novel (mainly you rely on the illustrations of a manga for a majority of the information, whereas with novels every bit of information is in the words).
Technicality - It could use some editing, the grammar isn't all there. For instance, 'casted' isn't the past tense of 'cast'. 'Cast' is the past tense of 'cast', because... English.
Formatting - Nothing to complain about, no problems with the line spacing or anything.
Final thoughts:
7/10 it's an interesting premise and one that I could be convinced to read more of, but the writing style just isn't up my alley.
