Today I buried my great grandmother..
dont worry its not going to be a dark story. right now my house is full of my great grandmothers children (she had 16 but 2 of them died before she was finally laid to rest.) (yes 16 kids.) friends and family.
my house is where everyone wanted the repast (Of course) and it was honestly a better turnout than i expected.
But now on to the thing that i should have started off with.
Over the course of these past 6 days my family (dad's side) has been acting the same way that Tyler Perry's Madea's happy family was played.
Everyone hated each other and no one wanted to trust each other until everyone HAD to come together.
And I mean everything from that movie happened.
There was even baby-momma drama.
BUT ON TO THE FUNERAL
The service was held at Israellite baptist church at 11:00am today.
But of course my family is 'special' so we got there at 9:30 because my dad wanted to view the body.
Now, like I said before, I don't do funerals I honestly just don't really like them. It takes to long just to put a lifeless cadaver into the ground like dahell.
Before I continue, I just wanna say; no manly tears were shed. And that was a complex sentence for all you motherfuckers who take English 1
We stepped foot into the church, immediately I saw no one that I recognized. I has a pretty big family so I'm not even really sure if they were Kin or not tbh.
Before I even got to her body, I was rushed with a lot of q&s's like
"You Ahmad's oldest son?"
"I hear you go to mckinley, remember it myself. I bet you love it!"
"Do you play basketball? You defiantly have the means to play ball"
To which I replied to
"Yep."
"I do, it's okay"
"I like football more, I can play QB..?"
And the entire soul train line of questions and statements went like that for another 3ft.
Also dem bitches told me to take my beanie off in the church.
"Biiiiiiiiiiitch is there a new commandment that says thou shalt not wear headwear?" That set the mood of my day.
Then it was time to view the bodie.
In all honestness to say that she's just gonna decompose into nothing but skeleton and dust, she looked really good.
Wit her hair did and shit /•-•)/
My dad just looked at her and didn't say anything, and that's when he needed a beer.
No one else showed up until 30 mins before. We all got lined up, all of my g-grandmas children (that were alive) with their spouses and then their kids, then us.
We all gathered in one big-ass mess and went into the sanctuary. Sat down and began the program.
Lemme give you a list of what happened.
•choir singing.
•brother of the dead as preacher
•reading of the obituary
•another choir song
•expressions from geezers (honestly their stories of my grandma were pretty funny, it turns out that she tried to kill my uncle, she shot him in the leg and knee; she also shot her husband in the foot; and poured acid on someone's car because she felt threatened. Basically my grandma was a badass.)
•preacher giving a memory Speech In which ended with him saying how he misses her and his family and how he wished he could see his parents again. Also he told what happened the day they decided to pull the plug on her. He also bursted into tears after he said how he misses his close ones.
It was just one funeral that I won't forget.
After that, we drove to southern memorial to put her 6ft under.
But I didn't see that so... Yea.
That was basically the entire funeral.
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Hey reader,
If you made it this far you deserve a real reward. That part? Actually boring. I thought about making it more funny but it was a celebration of death so, had to keep it boring. Sry :'( I'm about to do another chapter
Keep it weird.
- Oz
