If there was ever a point in time that there would be me inside a time machine going to the past just to give me a chance to try and "fix" my mistakes.... I'm pretty sure I would break the fucking machine.
*early contradiction due to song.*
you did listen to the song before you read right?...
Fuck it. Let's just begin.
So as I'm sitting on my first transfer bus, I started thinking about amber (of all things)
Not Amber chatman,
Amber Richardson, (I still don't know how we can separate between you two SRY)
I started to think about her and my past decision to leave McK high for Lee.
I started to feel bad, even sick of myself.
Truth be told that I really loved McKinley High, From Kendrick to Mrs. Henderson (a biology teacher) I just really fucking LOVED McKinley.
It was everything about it. It was just a fun mood everyday where you never knew what was going to happen. I made awesome friends that- Now since I just lost basically 90% of my friends now-
I just would really like to know what's going on with them.
With Jalen
Justinne
Nikidria
Amber
Allen
Jakob
and so many more.
I even miss candace's sarcastic ass attitude WHICH I actually can take because she's hella funny.
But hey, I've come so far. I even told Amber that I didn't go there to make friends. I did not want to hurt anyone.
And look at me now.
I walk into a store with jazz only to see Jalen and the only way he could greet me is "Lee nigga"
Let it be known I did feel ashamed, but I knew what I was getting into.
And to think, this only started thinking about amber.
And as I walk to my home bus, 3 fights take place while I'm in the center.
I started questioning different things such as, seeing savannah again.
Like I was trying to pack up for my next class and she walks in as I'm packing...
"Hey Isaiah :D"
"Fuck you"
"Aww what D:"
"What did you want a "hello" or something?"
"Yes..."
"Well hello savannah"
"Hello Isaiah."
"What do you want a hug too?"
"Yes."
*hugs*
"See you later Fetterolf"
"What ever Bowers."
What people don't seem to get is that i am 97% Sarcastic, and the rest serious- but when I'm serious it sticks out.
It's just that I have a resting annoyed/depressed face.
I just don't know man. I'll never understand.
I also started thinking about how I punched jazz in the face Saturday when I didn't want to play a game with my cousins because I heard some random love song and IMMEDIATELY got depressed and pissed, I just wanted to go in my room, watch saw (BECAUSE I LOVE HOW JIGSAW'S TRAPS AND GAMES WORK LIKE 😫😫😫) but he tripped my knee, put me into a headlock and then I punched him in the cheek so hard, it made my knuckles jam. He let me go and I just wanted to Netflix and chill, just as I've been doing since July.
I open my phone, look at the Instagram icon, thoughts rushing through my head, and instantly delete it. Fuck it. Fuck Ellos.
And yes that was Spanish. I really have developed there, making my mom proud.
I no longer wanted to open my laptop, I just wanted to vibe there on my bed until it was time to make some fried Oreos because I'm a desert master in my house.
I forgot about Johnny Cash and all my alternative rock songs and I just turned them all on, starting with hurt (which is the video above) by Johnny Cash which basically describes my mood from that day to present day today.
So full of anger. And pain.
"Get out your feeeeeeeeelinnnngs"
Yea well sorry I thought I could trust you but now you are apart of that 9zero
"He needs to get a hold of his life, move on, stay away"
9zero
9zero
9zero
9SERO
Just then jazz opens my door...
"Dude you alright?"
"Sorry I punched your face"
"Don't worry about it"
"..."
"Well are you still doing Oreos?"
"Yea"
As I get up, a tear runs down my face.
I take my laptop and turn on a saw movie (saw 3) and burn every Oreo due to a minor anxiety attack.
Those have become more frequent.
Jazz has also called me weird...
Idk how to take that.
I look at this heart that Jumana drew on me with a "J" inside that represents her. She told me,
"Show your girlfriend! It'll be funny!"
*cringes*
"Don't have one.. *looks at faith typing on her phone*
Anymore."
"Why Z? What happened?"
"Don't worry about it okay?"
"Please tell me!!!"
"Maybe later"
With Jumana the only one besides jaazarius that I tell the century long tale to, she simply draws a heart with a "J" on it.
Wow.
she's so innocent.
But I know that I'll only let her down.
Today I hate love songs. If my mom turns one on- even a sly one- I will have no hesitation to so play avenged sevenfold.
"But why can't I turn off the radio..."
~Ne-Yo, So sick.
"Out of business"
-Z 💩🍺
