i love you for infinity

after everything

im going to fast forward a bit, so you're out of the hospital, it's been like 3 weeks since you broke your foot, so yeah. sorry i
haven't been posting a lot, i haven't had any motivation to write, but i have been reading a lot, so i'll recommend some amazing books after the chapter, but my school ends tomorrow, which means it'll be summer!!! so i'll be able to write. a lot. also, sorry if i make any mistakes, like with the backstory, because i don't really remeber everything and i'm too lazy to go back and read. okay, let's start!

ever since the night of the party, i've been having some panic attacks and i've been getting really paranoid that kyler is going to find me again, but i haven't told anyone. i've been trying to keep it to myself. no one knows i have panic attacks. whenever i usually fell im having them, i just go to the bathroom or something and just cry and struggle breathing, i've also been cutting myself. it's becoming a problem. but i don't want anyone to know. hawk has been really protective of me. even tho he doesn't know if been struggling with that. and i mean REALLY PROTECTIVE. like he'll sleep over at my house anytime my dad will let him. he never leaves me in school, except for spanish class, the only class i don't have with him, he doesn't want me talking to any boys, and he's really protective of what i wear. so yeah. it's been kinda hard having him control everything about my life now. but i get it. he's just trying to keep me safe.

today was my first day back at karate, i've been doing physical therapy, and my foots getting better, so my doctor thinks i'm ready.

it was 4:30, and we had just gotten out of school. i drove hawk to his house. he was just running in to grab clothes and come back to my house. i dropped him off and he came out ten minutes later.

eve since he told me about his abusing dad, we haven't talked about it. but i've been worrying about him. i hope everything's okay.

he runs out the front door and gets in my car. now we're going to my house to change.

"do you need something to eat? you didn't eat today at lunch" hawk asks me. "un yeah sure, do you need something?" i respond. i haven't been struggling with my ed as much, and hawk helped me with that. "sure. let's get chick fil a" he answered looking at his phone. "okay" i said smiling at him

i drove to chick fil a, and the line was really long. as usual. "you still want it? we don't have to wait" hawk said still looking at his phone. "no. i'll wait it's okay" i said smiling. i was in a really good mood because o was exited to get back to karate.

hawk wasn't really paying attention, so i just got on my phone. i was scrolling through instagram and noticed the line had moved up. i started to drive up while holding my phone ok my hand.

"don't look at your fucking phone when you're driving" hawk demanded.

"sorry." i said putting my phone down as my smile slowly faded away.

hawk wasn't paying attention to me and he was being kind of rude. but i didn't want to act like a pussy so i just acted like i didn't care.

it was really quiet while we were waiting in line. hawk was on his phone, leaning back in his seat, with his feet placed in the car. (idk what it's called, but the thing where the windshield wiper is)

"soo... im exited for karate" i said breaking the silence. "thats good" hawk said still looking at his phone.

i wanted to talk to him, but i didn't know how to get his attention, i thought making him horny would get him interested in me. so i turned over to him and grabbed his hand, with one still holding his phone. i then reached over and kissed him. he wasn't paying attentio, so i places my hand on his crotch, slowly rubbing. he dropped his phone right as i did that and looked up at me.