The Traitor ✓ (Book Six)

Chapter Nine

  Life after the secret service is not only ptsd filled, it makes you feel worthless. And for a while I did. That damn academy would haunt my dreams. I couldn't sleep, only ate enough to survive, I started looking fifty instead of forty.

  Then I met her and everything changed. I had someone important to live for, someone I decided to stick around for because she'd been depressed for years, if I offed myself she would too. So here I am, in our tiny home, back facing her.

  When I turn around, she is still in a deep sleep. With every ride and fall of her chest, her stomach joins it. I smile. Our daughter is in there. We should meet her in just eight weeks- four if we're lucky.

  After the first ultrasound, I felt a connection( though I'm not carrying her) and now I have two people to live for. It's not like they need the financial support- she's one of the top lawyers in the entire county, and her fathers a billionaire, but there's one thing all scientists agree on: Children do better with both parents.

  And they don't mean that as an insult to single moms or dad- sometimes shit happened and there's nothing you can do about it, most single parents are amazing- as a general rule though, those with two  loving parents get more attention.

  I want to be that constant in my daughters life; just as Maria's dad has been. Her mom's iffy, which is why I know she won't be like that. Our goals are to be the exact opposite of our own parents: to listen to her, be there for her when she needs it but not push anything, physical discipline is definitely a big no no.

  Parents can go to jail for that now, but even if it weren't illegal- we would refrain. Like emotional abuse, it has long term affects- though I suppose physical counts as both.

  There's still a belt scar on my ass.

  I shudder as I sit up in bed, disgusted by how normalized child abuse used to be.

  I wiggle closer to our daughter, my head now resting right beside her.

  "Now, I don't know if anybody told you this yet- I mean knowing your mother she probably has but.... You are perfect just the way you are. There is nobody in this world that can tell you different and I hope you know that. Whatever medical problems or.... Illnesses you may have, we love you just the same, both of us. And you can do anything you want. Don't settle just because you think your dream job will never come along. I made that mistake and I don't want the same thing for you. And love- you can love whoever you want. Whether that's a man, woman, or someone in between- that is completely up to you. And if you grow up and feel trapped in the body you were born in, we will help you feel like yourself, with whatever hormones you may need for that. Rose, there is nothing in this world I love more than you."

  "Aww man, I thought I was first." Maria teases, smiling down at both of us.

  "You're a close second." I shrug, and she chuckles. I pull myself up to where I am an inch away from her face.

  We could stay like this forever and be perfectly comfortable- if it weren't for her being thirty weeks pregnant. And I don't mean that in a misogynistic way; if I stay so close to her for too long, my upper thighs lightly pressed into her stomach, she'll start getting Braxton Hicks.

  So instead I give her a light kiss on the forehead, and as I'm about to get up and go find food for us, she locks me in. With an arm around my back, I cannot escape.

  Her lips are warm, mine are cold- but we both have morning breath. Hers is a little bit worse- but I don't care.

  When she finally lets me go, I stand up, and help her as well. We work our way over to the kitchen table. When her back hits the chair, she grips her stomach. For a second, the panic I felt in the early days sets it. I then remember what she told me about the muscles being strained and relax- only a little bit.