The Traitor ✓ (Book Six)

Chapter Fifty Five

I stand outside of my own house- soon to be legally our house, box in hand, smiling like a maniac. Once I go in there truly is no going back.

I sit on the porch, giving myself a second to think. I know this is what I want. I'm almost a hundred percent sure she wants this too. She did suggest it, after all. But the look in her eyes.... It was like she only asked because she thought we were just supposed to.

I get that the culture around marriage is different, that most people here do eventually, but I don't personally understand.

I want to marry her. I do.

I try to shake away any doubts.

I place my hand on the unlocked door and push. I give myself one second around the corner that separates the front door from the bed, knowing she heard me come in. I put the box in my back pocket.

Then, when an unshakeable grin on my face, I turn it. She stands in the tiny bathroom, fixing her hair and mumbling to herself.

"Hi." I announce my presence. She jumps, having been so out of it she didn't hear me come in after all.

"Jesus-" She holds a hand over her heart. "Hello fiancé."

My heart leaps again. That is the first time she's directly referred to me as such. I could certainly get used to..... husband.

"You sure you wanna do this?" I ask. "We have one day."

"You trying to talk me out of it?" She raises an eyebrow. "Cause I love you, and you're stuck with me forever regardless."

"Nope- and it's a two way street with that last one."

Suddenly, her face falls.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Did I say something?"

She just sighs, purses her lips together, and pulls me over to the bed. I follow. She sits on the edge and turns to face me.

"Damon.... Have you ever wanted children?"

The question takes me aback. We've never discussed them, and this is sudden. There was no easing into it, no warning, and no 'hey, there are some things we should talk about before we commit to a lifelong partnership'.

"I guess...." I clear my throat. "I guess I always just assumed it was something people do. I grew up in a relatively large family around the notion that life was meaningless.... And that you really didn't exist if you didn't have children. I never believed that of course but.... I always imagined having twins since my cousins were inseparable and I thought I'd want my kids to have that kind of support system. But then.... I joined the secret service and was working ninety hours on a good week, so I wouldn't have had the time and committed to waiting until I was retired. Then I got sent to Guantanamo bay so...... it kinda became impossible and I stopped thinking about it at all. But yeah- being free now... I would. I think."

"You think?"

"Yeah, I mean even one is......"

"A lot of Damn work." She sighs. "Yeah, I feel bad for my dad having to deal with me on his own. Damon-"

She sits up, more serious now.

"Two years ago I went to a gynecologist."

Oh no.

"He was my mom's doctor so I trust him almost as much as I trust my dad. Everything was good when he did my exam until he.... Got to my Cervix. It had.... Completely closed up."

"What?" I ask, out of genuine confusion.

"There is impenetrable vaginal skin covering it. Sperm.... Sperm literally can not pass through. It's why I don't have a period and..... because of that my hormones are also all kinds of fucked up. He thought.... He thought all the years of sexual assault caused my reproductive system- since I was so young, to shut down and create that wall as a defense mechanism." She pauses, hyperventilating. All I want to do is hug her, comfort her in some sort of way, but I'm not sure if that's the best idea- given her hyperventilation and the story she's telling. "He also said I could have it opened up quickly and surgically if I wanted, that I would be able to go back to my normal life almost immediately after and that I would just have to refrain from sexual activity for seventy two hours but..... I made a decision that I don't want any doctor down there for a very long time."

I must've been silent, trying to come up with the right response, because she leans forward.

"Damon? Damon is this a deal breaker?"

Her question, and cracking voice makes me snap out of it.

I cup her face in my hands.

"No. Absolutely not." I say. "Listen to me. I love you more than anybody or anything else in this world. You are my reason for being alive. There is literally no other one at the moment. Maria if you just need time, take as much damn time as you need. If you decide eventually you don't want them at all, then I don't want them either. Life plans can Change at the drop of a hat- they did for me. I.... I love you so much."

A single tear rolls down her cheek. At that exact moment, sunlight beams in through our slightly open curtains.

This is the perfect moment.

I pull the ring box out. Her eyes widen.

"Maria."

"Damon."

"You are.... The only person I have ever seriously wanted to marry." That is a lie, but it is one she'll never know is. "You.... Make me happy when nothing else does. I want to be there for you.... For better or worse. Maria I know you've already asked me this but..... will you marry me?"

Now, she's straight up balling.

She does not speak. She only nods her head rapidly. I gently grab her hand and her ring from the box, placing it on her finger. She takes mine and does the same, laughing.

"Now we just have to tell my dad."