Barely Slipping By (Hayes Grier)

Lost Meaning

**Paisley'sP.O.V**

"Paisley wait up!" the voice shouted before getting even closer.

I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially after everything that had happened today. I just ignored the person like I had been, and I started to walk faster.

"Will you please stop, and just listen!" the boy then placed his hand on my shoulders.

I flinched, scared of what he might do and from the pain. He quickly released his grip, and I slowly turned around. I then stood face to face with Hayes.

"What do you want? Haven't you already done enough?" I was a little upset.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry about everything that has happened...." he quietly responded.

"Just quit apologizing. The word 'sorry' loses meaning after you hear it all the time." I snapped back, starting to walk away.

"What even happened between us?" he walked alongside me.

"You tell me," I whispered, a single tear leaving my eye.

Right after I said that, I was in front of my house. I didn't stop to keep talking because I wanted this conversation to be over with. I don't get why he thinks he can just talk to me now, and everything will be okay.

I walked inside, and no one was home. I went up to my room, and I turned on the bath faucet. I filled the tub up with warm water while I gathered everything I would need. I turned on some music, and I grabbed some clothes. I then threw my clothes to the side, and felt the burning sensation when my bruises came into contact with the water.

I ignored everything, and I tried to relax. I looked at my arms, observing the cuts. I traced my finger along them, new and old. Every cut resembles something, or at least someone. Every day, at least one new one is added. I have them all up and down my arms and thighs.

No one has ever seen all of them, and I plan to keep it that way. Everyone at school thinks I'm suicidal, and they're almost right. They know I cut, but they have no idea how bad it is. It's not like they would care anyways.

I slid down, covering my whole head in water. I held my breath, thinking if I should just give in. Give into what everyone wants.

"Just cut deeper" "You're worthless" "No one cares about you" "You're a waste of space" "Just kill yourself already"

All of these kept swirling around in my head, and I lost track of how long I had been underwater. I quickly come up for a much needed breath, breathing heavy.

I finished washing my hair, and some of the blood from where I had gotten beaten up today. Once I finished, I wrapped my body up with a towel. I then went over to the counter, and I opened a drawer. I then pulled out the small, yet sharp piece of silver. I gently held it with my fingers, thinking.

I made two cuts on each arm, watching as the blood started to run down my arm. I didn't even feel it anymore, I was immune to the pain. I had done it so many times, it was a habit. A habit that would help relieve all of my pain. I just stood there, watching the blood run. I didn't care anymore.

After a while, I washed my arm. I then got out the gauze, and some tape. I wrapped my arm, making sure it was thick enough so no blood would go through it. I then taped it to my arm to keep it in place.

After I was finished, I put all of the medical things away. I then washed my blade, and placed it back in the drawer. I then got out my hair brush and powered through my tangled hair.

After I finished combing through it, I put it into a pony tail. I could still feel small drops of water hitting my skin. I went and changed into some relax fitted clothes. I was still the only one here, so I went into the kitchen.