Re: Zero Hell clean up arc 2

Break down

Jack woke up to the cold feeling touching his back. Jack noticed the fire was nearly dead down to glowing embers. He then realized he had been hugging onto Emilia instinctively in his sleep because she was a source of warmth. Jack realized his instincts unintentionally made him a shield to the cold for Emilia, thus explaining why she was still asleep so he didn't let her go. He realized the symbolism of this scene. Jack was unintentionally a shield for someone else's mistakes in his own selfish impulses kept him a shield. But Jack did not feel angered by this at all, to himself he felt he was dispensable. He remembered all his past sins before he went into the world and all the sins after. The first thing Jack did was essentially rob those who tried to rob him which is not as bad as robbing someone unprovoked but it was the same action. Robbery, a crime Jack thought was the combination of wrath and greed. The next thing Jack did was sell the knives, a further act of greed. Then he drank alcohol because it felt good, an act of gluttony. Then he killed a man for a position for a payable position of some power. Wrath, pride, and then greed. Jack didn't feel he deserved even Emilia's warmth. The reason he held on was to atone by helping others. Jack felt if somehow sawing off his own hand could either get Emilia some more sleep or help her sanity he had to do it. Whoever Subaru was, he was probably far less sinful than Jack even if he created this mess. Jack moved his arm carefully to grab a small piece of wood and put it on the fire. This situation reminded Jack of a time when it was winter but there was no snow. It was just cold. Jack's parents didn't touch the thermostat, something that he didn't question. Because he'd rather tough out the cold than complain and be a spoiled child. But he remembered his mom, his sister wrapped up with blankets on the couch still shivering. He remembered how frustrating it was when his brother and his dad tried to light a fire but it was so bitterly cold it didn't light. Emilia started to turn her nose brushed up against Jack's cheek which woke her up. She did not expect to wake up eye to eye with Jack, her eyes widened. Jack twitched and thought of letting go, he immediately started accusing himself of being a creep. But her eyes relaxed in a sense of satisfaction "you stayed" she said as if she expected him to run off and abandon her.

Emilia slowly moved her arms, hugging Jack. He started to tear up, it felt like symbolically it showed the world or a higher power forgave him. It reminded him of hugging his mom after a terrible argument. Jack turned away; he didn't feel he deserved this forgiveness that seemingly was always given to him so easily. "What's wrong?" Emilia said. "I don't deserve this," Jack responded. He cried into Emilia's shoulder, the fabric drying the tears. Jack then had a thought, he hadn't taken his meds, maybe that's what led to this sudden emotional instability and the random shivers no matter how warm his body was. This was a common thought Jack had to shrug off feelings. He calmed down a bit. This was therapeutic to Emilia because in her mind she was the reason he calmed down (which was partly true). Not the reusable excuse for an emotional breakdown Jack always used. It was a well-needed mental breakdown all bottled up anxiety, insecurity, and self-hatred for being sent to clean up someone else's Hell. Jack thought about how this breakdown paralleled Emilia's continued breakdown as soon as he met her. Look at us, the insane emotionally unstable couple. During this whole thought process, Jack finally realized that he had gotten up with Emilia and sat down on the couch with her consoling him. He immediately started getting mad at himself for needing to be helped. But Jack quelled those feelings and turned to Emilia saying "Thank you." This feeling of instant debt made Jack immediately try to repay with affection. He did this by hugging her tightly and pressing his cheek against hers. But this felt more like a reward for him. Thus Jack immediately stood up and got himself together.