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I know it's not a good omen to begin something with a name of negative emotion. But... let me tell you a secret, I believe that I'm unique <3. I know I'm a bit self-obsessed, so whenever people say things like "you are weird", "that is not how it works" or "it is strange for you to say that". I use the phrase, "I'm Unique!" to defend and explain myself. So let me get to the point, I have a superstition that if somethings begins with an obstacle or a rough phase then it will work out to me. Many times it did. And today I had a talk with my mom about the next step in my life so now I want to share that with you all. I got her opinions about them and I want to know yours.
As I said in the last part I'm seventeen, probably finished my twelfth as the central board canceled my exams due to COVID issues which I am celebrating about. Thank God! But then the reality strikes in, I have to go to college, to a new institution, new place, new circumstance, and I'm entering a new phase of my life. I know I'm not an exception and everyone should go through that, yet I'm a scaredy-cat about that. I have so many conflicts not only about the college but also the place.
As a pampered girl who never left her mother's side, I want to stay with her, enjoy my time with my family and friends here in my hometown, but as a girl who wants to explore the world, I want to go out of my comfort zone to see what world has stored in for me. Watching 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani' doesn't help much. I'm torn in a love triangle, should I choose the old, comfortable one that feels home? Or the novel adventurous one with bitter-sweet risks?
Being an ambivert girl, I can't open up to new people and keep it from the one I love. I'm the kind of girl stuck between Naina Talwar and Veronica, with the mentality and confusions of Kaira, and a friend gang like Rancho. My emotions are everywhere and I feel like I'm gonna be in an asylum. I don't want to leave my family but I also want to seek all the adventure and thrill of novelty.
If I choose comfort, I will miss all the adventures and thrill which I was craving my whole life. What if I lose the opportunities to be what I want? What if I don't get to explore the world? What if I lose the greatest things awaited me?
If I choose thrill and adventure, I would lose home. What if things change in the time while I was gone? What if I was replaced? What if I can't replace the one who already replaces me? What if I don't get a friend there and lose the ones I have here too?
That's my biggest fear Losing the people I love!
All these what if's are haunting me to the peak of conflicts where I want to jump from. If only I knew growing up is so tough, I would have been a child; running around my home with the PJs or sometimes without them, scheduled to eat, sleep, repeat all the day, living without the fear of losing my parents or friends, clutching to my mommy's dress and following her through the home and sleeping after a bedtime story. Life was happy, not that it's not now, but they were happy, peaceful, calm, exciting at the same time.
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Hey, 'ya Munchkins!
Thank you so much for letting me do this. Actually, I was so nervous and anxious after posting the curtain-raiser. But you all made me comfortable and relaxed.
So anyone out there feeling like this? I hope I'm not the only one. If yes, what are you planning to do? If no, what will you do if you were me?
Opinions, advice, suggestion are welcome. Please do tell me.
