One Kiss Later

13

I don't know if Beau knew how much it meant to me that he came to basketball games. He said it was because he liked to watch sports, but he would always record our halftime routines so that my parents could see them. 

He was a good fake boyfriend, but an even better friend.

Beau kept me levelheaded. 

He made sure that I was eating like actually eating. He came over last Sunday to help me meal prep for a week, so I had no excuses.

I was treating myself better.

If there was one person in the world that I wanted to make proud it was thirteen-year-old Natalia. I wanted her to know that she was beautiful, strong, and capable of anything she put her mind to.

Whenever my mind went to a negative place, I thought about her.

I was eating regularly, not taking my coach's comments to heart, and I said positive affirmations to myself every morning.

Thirteen-year-old Natalia would be pretty proud of me right now.

Beau's fraternity decided to host a bonfire on Friday. Naturally, he invited me. I couldn't remember the last time we both had a Friday night off.

"This is nice, huh?" Beau asked me as we sat by the fire drinking apple juice.

We both didn't feel like drinking alcohol tonight. 

"Mhmm." I responded

He chuckled. "You're a bad liar."

"You ever been to the batting cages?" Beau asked me.

I nodded my head. "Come on now. My great-grandfather was in the league, my brothers play baseball, and I played softball for two years."

"Did you really?" Beau's jaw practically dropped.

"I did." I nodded my head. "From third to fifth grade. I just liked dance better."

"You never told me that." he spoke.

He turned towards me. "Wanna get out of here and go to the batting cages? Just for fun."

This party was a bust.

We were just sitting away from everyone and being anti-social.

"Let's go." I agreed.

Beau and I just left without telling anyone. I'm sure he texted Matteo, but fifteen minutes later we were at an outdoor batting cage near Venice Beach.

I liked seeing him do things that made him happy.

This was better than sitting on the beach doing nothing.

"Get in here, Nat." he motioned me over.

I sighed. "I'm probably rusty. It's been almost nine years."

He tossed me the bat. "Come on let's see what you got. It's in your blood."

I tried to remember what my brothers' would say when they talked about their stance. I eyed the ball and by some stroke of luck, I hit it.

"I'm probably rusty." Beau spoke in a mocking tone.

I rolled my eyes as I waited for the next ball to come.

Which I missed.

"You were saying?" I looked at him.

He walked over to me. "You're holding the bat too high."

Beau stood behind me and adjusted my stance.

I couldn't even focus on what he was saying.

We were so close together and he was touching my waist, arms, and hands. 

"Try now." he took a few steps back.

I don't even know what pointers he gave me.

I swung the bat and hit the ball.

"There you go." Beau clapped his hands together.

He held up his hand and I gave him a high-five.

"Our kids would definitely get full rides to college for baseball and softball. Maybe a son in the league." Beau joked.

Our kids.

Um, hello.

"We gotta see if you make it first." I handed him the bat back.

"Next year." he mentioned.

Sometimes I forgot that he was two years older than me. What would we do for two years? I would still be in college and he would *hopefully* be playing in the MLB.

What if he got drafted to a team across the country?

Oh, wait, Natalia.

This relationship is fake.

I took a deep breath. "You're going to make it. Definitely in the top ten picks."

"It's nice to hear that you have so much faith in me." he hung up the bat. "Let's go get take out from that mom and pop burger shop across the street. We can eat it on the beach."

We got two cheeseburgers, a large fry to share, and two medium sprites. Beau was always prepared for anything and had a blanket in the trunk of his car.

"I don't know if I should be eating this the week before spring break, but here we are." I commented as the waves crashed.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "You know I don't like when you talk like that."

"I promise you that I'm better than that now. You can sleepover at my apartment to see that I won't stick my fingers down my throat." I assured him.

"Oh yeah? Bet. Tell Nia to get the coach nice and comfy for me." Beau stared me down to let me know that he wasn't joking.

"Fine." I gave in.

He cares.

Even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself.

"Do you know what team you want to go to?" I asked Beau.

He shook his head. "As long as I'm in the league. What are your plans after college? PT school?"

I nodded my head. "That's the plan."

"You're going to be an amazing physical therapist. You're a caring person." Beau gave me a small smile.

"You are too." I mentioned. "We're more alike than you'd think."

He shrugged. "I think that caring also requires love. I don't really think that I'm capable of love. Every time that I tried, it just went so wrong."

Beau hated when I talked about my eating habits. I hated when he talked about himself like this. I wished that he could see himself through my eyes.

"I don't like when you talk like that." I put a strong emphasis on 'I' and 'you'.

"I think if you knew about my past then you'd look at me differently." he kept his eyes on the ocean.

I put my burger down. "I don't think so."

Even if he wouldn't look at me, I was going to look at him.

"I don't think that someone's past matters to a certain extent. I think what matters most of all is how they've grown from their mistakes. I'm not the same person that I was two years ago or two months ago." I began.

"People think I'm stupid for always giving people second or third chances, but I'll always believe that people are capable of growth and change. No matter what happens in my life, I'll always wear my heart on my sleeve. There's not enough love in the world. I think it's better to learn to love than being stone cold." I expressed. 

"That's beautiful, Nat. I hope that I can be where you are one day." Beau still didn't look at me. "I think that you're more mature than I am despite the age difference."

Probably so.