One Kiss Later

11

Everyone has a ritual. Whether it is praying, manifesting, or lucky socks. Every time I would get ready to perform on stage, I would have to shake my arms and legs five times each. 

But I also have other rituals.

Sometimes I start feeling so bad after I eat that my knees hit the cold tile. It didn't happen a lot, but when it did, it got ugly. I just couldn't believe that he saw me. I let Beau into that world. I so badly wished that he never knew that about me.

I decided to ignore him for the rest of Thanksgiving break. I will say that is words helped me to be less destructive to myself.

I spent the rest of the break shopping, hanging out with my family, and catching up on sleep.

On Sunday night, I headed back to my apartment since classes started back tomorrow. Nia went to the Bahamas with her family over break. She even brought me back a shirt. I told her about Beau coming over and now naturally he blended in with my family.

I left out all the bad parts.

"You two are so cute. I can't even believe it fake." Nia looked at the picture we took together.

I nodded my head. "Yeah."

"What's wrong with you?" she asked me. "Where's my peppy Natalia? Are you catching feelings?"

I didn't want to tell her about what I did, I felt so embarrassed. I just smiled at her and went to my bedroom.

Then the next day, I went to my first class which was my chem class.

As I walked out, I could hear someone walking hastily behind me.

"Natalie!" Beau called out.

"Natty!" he tried again, but I just kept walking.

He cleared his throat. "Natalia, I know you hear me."

He never called me by my first name and it was scary when he did.

I turned around to face Beau. "What?"

"You don't have to ignore me or feel embarrassed." he began. "Natty, you saw me ball my eyes out on your couch while I was a drunken mess."

I just kept staring at him.

He had a point. I was just nervous.

"Let's skip all of our classes for the day and just hang out. We can go to Sunshine's and actually get breakfast for once. Then maybe we can finally watch Pulp Fiction." Beau proposed.

Why was he actually making me feel better?

"Ok." I agreed.

"Can you smile?" he requested. "Where's that smile, Nat?"

I hated that his smile was contagious and made me let down my guard.

"There's that smile." he gently nudged my arm. "Let's go. I'm hungry."

Beau and I got into his car and drove to Sunshine's Dinner. It really was our place. We were on a first-name basis with everyone that worked here.

I noticed that Beau kept looking at my plate while I ate my french toast.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to throw it up," I assured him.

"Ok." it looked like he was finally breathing again.

"You know, I'll never tell anyone." Beau began. "I just want you to be happy and safe."

"I know that our romantic relationship is fake, but our actual friendship-relationship thing isn't. You don't have to tell me every detail. I just want you to know that I'm always here for you." Beau continued to speak.