Consume my broken heart

Chapter 6

I had a nice evening with Ben, but I was also happy to jump into bed and just sleep through the entire night. I hadn't slept so well for a long time. Even the little birds at my window sounded peaceful this morning. Even the false singing of my sister didn't sound too false. Maybe I need to see Ben more often. Hanging out with him makes me happier, and it's nice to know he likes me for the person I was and am now.

He knew me when I was fourteen and we were good friends back then. But I had so much more friends, well that's what I thought, though. They weren't real friends at all.

When they heard what had happened at that party, nobody believed me. They believed them instead of me. They knew I had a huge crush on Dean Wright, who was a senior football player. When I got the invitation to go to that party, I was in the clouds of happiness. Ben was invited as well as he just started in their football team. We were ecstatic that evening. Ben, Fay, Julie, and I were having the best night of our lives until Dean asked me upstairs. At first, I didn't know what to do, but as the naïve person I was, I obliged and followed him to his chambers.

He offered me a drink and from then on, everything became one big blur. Parts flashed before my eyes as Dean started stroking my arm. His best friends Matthew Young and Anthony Hill also joined, but they kept their distance.

Afterward, I heard I was filmed, and in the video, you couldn't see my face. I must have reacted to the Rohypnol because the last image I saw and heard before I fell asleep was, "I know you are in love with me Grace, and I want you as badly as I want you."

Dean Wright changed my life for good. The video was very short, so the actual deed wasn't filmed or parts must have been deleted because the police set Dean free. There was a lack of evidence, and everyone saw me walking upstairs with no sign of fear or obligation.

I think that's why Ben always felt guilty about it. He had let me go upstairs without talking some sense through me. He had been drinking a lot so who can I judge or who is to blame for, only Dean and his two slaves. If they didn't screw me that night, I would have been that cheerful kid as before.

They destroyed every cell in my body when they touched me. On the footage you couldn't see they were taking part with Dean in his evil plans, but I always knew they touched me, maybe not raped me, but they definitely touched me.

I shake my negative thoughts away as I just woke up on a sunny morning. The lovely birds were singing their song and in the background my sister falsely singing her favourite song 'All the single ladies' from Beyoncé. Can there be a better morning? Definitely, but I was grateful with what I could get at the moment.

After that night in the alley, I had changed a little. I had noticed my body was protesting at my suicide attempt. But was it truly my body? Maybe there was a small part of my mind that wanted to give it another try. Maybe things will get better in time, if I just have a little fate in me.

I think I never gave myself a genuine chance to grow, to feel alive again. Even to feel loved by others who have always been there for me. Maybe I need to take a break from my mind and at least try to move on. Yes, I'm going to try from now on and then I can always decide what to do with my life. If I want to, I know deep in my heart I can change.

Grace Stone is still there, hidden deep in me. I know I can bring her back to life, but this will take some time. And I just have to give it time, nothing more. Nothing has to, everything can, will be my new motto from now on. I need to be gentle with myself, that's the least I can do now.

With new inner strength, I open my closet wide open. I rummage through the clothing I haven't worn for a long time. Taking a simple red flower dress, I quickly toss it back. "Maybe that's too much change for now." I whisper to myself. Another light blue top caught my eye. It had a little V-neck. I take the top and pull out my favourite dark jeans.