Consume my broken heart

Chapter 8

The next day I woke up with a throbbing headache, wishing I could stay in bed for the entire week. I open my eyes and quickly close them by the light flashing through my curtains. Maybe if I sleep long enough, I'll die in my sleep. That would be a relief at the moment. That would be so easy, so much better than pulling a bullet through your head. Obviously, I will not die in my sleep. God won't let me die or I had been dead already.

My mind flashes back to yesterday evening. That evening was terrible, the worst night in years. Even my aunt didn't know what to do with me. She brought me home before she had closed the bakery half an hour earlier than our regular closing hour. Belinda came right after me when I ran to the back. She had convinced me to drive me home as I wasn't in a normal state for driving safely.

Aiden hadn't been in the bakery anymore when we appeared back to the front. I was so relieved he was gone. He already thinks I'm a coward, and what will he think of me now? Not that I care what he thinks about me. He's a murderer, for God's sakes. He's the devil himself. But what was he doing at the bakery?

There was a brisk minute I wished Aiden would kill Dean in front of my eyes. That prick deserves the worst for what he did. I don't even know I was his only victim. Who knows, he has assaulted multiple girls? With his self-righteous behavior and fake smile. He still thinks he can boss everyone around as he did in school.

I can't believe I fell for him in the first place. Was I so blind? So naïve to believe he had good intentions when he asked me to his room? I'm so stupid...It's all my fault. If I wasn't so stupid, I wouldn't have been raped.

I cover my eyes with my sheet and let the tears stream down my face. I ordered aunt to not say anything to mom. They don't need to be worried again. This is my mess and I need to carry it on my own. But why does it feel wrong and too heavy to carry on my own? I'm shutting myself and I'm not sure I can find a way back to society.

Don't come close because I'm contagious, that's how I feel. I feel like I make people unhappy when they come too close. How can I move on when the only thing I want to do is to hide in a corner, covered with a warm blanket just for survival, not for comfort. To feel something warm around me, like a pair of powerful arms, to feel safe... I still have the urge to survive when all I want is rest, some peace in my head. Just for one day, shutting my feelings off. Not feeling how I'm feeling each day would be such a revelation.

"Grace?" Mom shouts. I ignore her and cover my entire face under the sheets. Please don't think of me, mom. Let me be for a few hours..."Grace?" Mom knocks on my bedroom door.

"I'm tired, mom," I whine underneath my sheets.

"Grace, it's ten o'clock. Aren't you going for a walk before work?" Mom asks suspiciously.

"I'm not sure I'm in for a walk," I respond calmly. I wasn't in the mood at all. My aunt said if I wanted to stay home for a couple of days she would take over my shift, but I can't ask that from her. She's older and I don't want to take advantage of her kindness. Besides, what can I do here? Barbie Is to New York to a fashion show with Rick. Dad has a busy job and mom, I think she's too much home lately.

Maybe it's time to live on my own? It would be beneficial to get some peace in my hand. Then I don't have to hide my feelings anymore. I don't need to pretend I'm cheerful when I'm not. And I can shower whenever I want. I can feel mom's body closing in.

"Why is that?" Mom asks, settling herself beside me in bed.

"Because I'm exhausted," I stated dryly. I'm so not going to tell her why I'm blue. She doesn't need to know about my inner struggles, and about yesterday evening. She will freak out and call the cops for a restraining order against them. And dad would probably want to sue them.