That One Night

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"EXCUSE YOU?!"I scoffed."What do you mean you can't meet him?!That kid has been wanting to meet you for a year!I was scared and he couldn't!I kept my promise,what is that supposed to mean?!"

"YOU TWO ARE CLEARLY HAPPY,I WON'T BE GOOD FOR THAT KID!"I shook my head."You can't know until you at least try!You think I knew what I was doing?!"

"I didn't-""I HAVE BEEN RAISING THAT KID ON MY OWN FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS!I CARRIED HIM INSIDE ME FOR NINE MONTHS WITH NO ONE BY MY SIDE!YOU DON'T GET TO RIP OUT MY KID'S HEART LIKE THIS!"

"HE IS MY SON AS MUCH AS HE IS YOURS!I WON'T BE GOOD FOR HIM!""CARE ABOUT HIM HALF AS MUCH AS YOU CARED ABOUT ME YEARS AGO AND THAT KID WILL BE THE LUCKIEST KID ALIVE!"

I wiped my face and got my bag."I was wrong.You still aren't ready to be a father.Call me when you are,Basilio has my number."I stopped."You know what?!I'm not walking out of here!"

I stood in front of him."I have been going behind your back!I am still your accountant and I sign the things you don't!Unless they are useless,of course!"

"I have been handling your business while you were too busy drinking your problems away!I didn't have that!I had to stand on my own!For myself and for Armani!"

"Basilio offered me billions after billions!And those missing thousands you have that I know you are aware of,those were for your son's self care and education!"

"Which,for your information,I gave him.I home schooled him because I am terrified he will get in trouble because of his family name!But I love you too much to give our son my maiden name!"

I go kidnapped several times and had endured many attempts!Basilio and Damien only knows one of it and that's the stunt Jung-Ho pulled two years ago!"

"I killed more guys than I'd like to admit for the sake of our child's safety!So you don't get to stand here,tell me that you cannot meet him!If I did all of this for him,the least you could do is tell him you are not right for him and meet him once!"

"So he could think as if I left him?!Like you left me?!""Do you even hear yourself?Fuck you,Roman.I don't care how much I love you,you need to get your head straight."

"So,you're just going to leave again?"I scoffed."No!Because I'm done running!Now,that I have a job,I don't need your money to look after Armani,I can even pay you back."

I left and came back home."Why isn't he here?""He said he couldn't meet him.He said he wouldn't be good for him.So I gave him a piece of my mind and came back home to my son."

"I'll talk to him."I shook my head."No,you won't,mom.Because if you do,it's just going to be more pressure on him and he will never be the father Luca deserves."

She sighed."I won't.I'll try not to,at least."I nodded."I appreciate that.Good night,mom."She left and I came to the door step of our room with Armani.

I took out the hoodie I kept from Roman,years ago.I wore it over me after I took a shower.I stood at the doorstep and watched him from afar.

I cried and I cried.Nothing changed.

Next morning,he woke up and I made him his breakfast."Can I meet my daddy today?"I sighed."Sweetie,I don't think your daddy is coming.But it isn't you fault."

"Then,whose fault is it?"I took a deep breath."Your daddy isn't ready to be your daddy.He is happy that we had you but he doesn't believe in himself enough to be your daddy."

"But you always say that one cannot know if they can do it or not before they try.How can he?Does he see the future?!"I giggled as I shook my head."No baby.He's not."

"Then why doesn't he try?I will forgive him if he decides to leave because he can't be my daddy."I smiled."My golden hearted boy,I know you will forgive him."

"Then,what mommy?""I told him to try but he insisted.So,mommy got mad at him and she yelled at him so much and so loud."

"Oh...Well,maybe he'll show up.Maybe he just needs time."I nodded."Maybe,my prince.Maybe he just needs time."

That night,I watched him sleep as he laid on my lap.Knowing damn well Roman isn't showing up.I won't kill his hope with my realistic opinions.I will never do that.

I told Nora to stop coming.It was back to my son and I.Everything was just the way they were.The way things were supposed to be all along.

However,day after day...Armani started losing hope too.So about a month later,I went to see him.I took Armani with me and gave him to Nora.

I walked into his office just like that."He's losing hope!The only thing he has and you are taking it from him!"He scoffed."I told you,I can't do it!"

"Thanks for killing the last sliver of hope inside him.The hope he has been holding onto for year.The hope of seeing and meeting you!Do you know what he said to me?!"

I sighed."He said he would forgive you if you left after meeting him.He would forgive you because he would know that you tried.That you tried being his daddy!And he would forgive your failure!"

I shook my head."We're done."I put the engagement ring on the table and went for the door."YOU WILL NOT LEAVE!""OH I FUCKING WILL!"

"YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME AGAIN!"I turned to him."I am extremely happy to tell you that...You are the one who is leaving this time,Roman.Leaving our son and me behind."

I bit the inside of my cheek."And uh...I'll give you one last chance right now to see him.Because he's downstairs with his nonna.Are you coming or not?Last chance or I will take him away.I won't put him through something like this all over again."

I waited and I waited but nothing."I'll talk to my lawyer.He will have my maiden name and we will get divorced.I want nothing from you.Not even any alimony."

I left with Armani."It's over.Carrying that ring was an honor for a while but...No more,Nora.We're getting a divorce.Or I'm divorcing him,either way."

I came back to Damien's place and put him back in his bed."Mommy?""Shh...Go back to sleep,baby.It's still late."He nodded."I love you,mommy."I smiled.

"I love you too,bambino.More than anything else."After he fell asleep,I went to the kitchen,grabbed a glass of whiskey and came back to watch him sleep in Roman's shirt.

I need to get rid of these.I need to get rid of everything that he owns or we owned.Besides,my son,of course.Or else...I'm going to fucking lose it!I didn't drink it and put it aside.

"Why did you do this,Roman?He didn't deserve to lose his hope."I kept crying until I felt his arms around me and his smell all over me.

"I'm so sorry.I was being a coward.The least I could do is be his father."I kept crying with his arms around me."Thank you for not making me do this."

"Do what?"

"Make me tell him that his daddy isn't coming.Ever.All he wants since he was 2 and a half years old is to meet you.I may be his entire world but you are his hope."