That One Night

- ⅩⅩⅥ -

As hard as it were,we chose to go to Shirakawa-Go.A place in Japan.Turns out he had a business partner there too.He insisted that I should come with him but I just couldn't.

Knowing it will seem weird to everybody,I didn't want to put us in that situation.I love him and all I want is to be able to see him the way I used to.The way he was as the man I love.

I just can't.While he was gone,I called Nora."Bambina?"I sighed."Mom,could you do something for me?Can you find the personal phone number of the name I'll text you about?"

"Sure,I can.""But Roman can't know."She sighed."Now,that'll be hard.However,I'll try."I nodded."Thanks,mom.""Don't worry,bambina,I know it'll work out again."

We hung up and about 20 minutes later,she sent me the number and called me to make sure."Is this the girl?"I nodded."It is,mom.Thank you so much."

"I'm glad you're trying to get help."I nodded."I have to.I can't push myself any further.It hurts to try on my own."Nora and I hung up and I called my old therapist.

"Who am I talking to?""It's me,Mrs.Fern.Cordelia?"She gasped."Oh...I didn't know you were back.You changed your number and you stopped talking to me.I was worried."

"I know,Mrs.Fern but I thought I was doing good on my own.You'd be disappointed to see how I am now."She sighed."It's seven am over here.But,I have enough time for you."

"It would be great,Mrs.Fern.Thank you so much."We turned the call into a facetime call.I put the phone on the coffee table and put on my cabled earphones.

"What happened?""Remember how I called you once for my nightmares?Well,they're back and I need help to make them go away again."She looked at me."Oh,sweetie."

She had just woken up,it was obvious.She rubbed her eyes and sat down on a still spot."My notes..."She took a file with my name on it."19 years of my life,you have always had a solution."

"Not always,Cordelia."I took a deep breath."The reason I called is not entirely about my nightmares.It's uhm...You see,I got married.And I love him so much!"I sniffed.

"But I cannot stop myself from seeing him as the one who is hitting me in my nightmares.I can't look him in the eye.I can't talk to him.I can't get six or seven feet close to him.It's bad."

"I see.What happened to Roman Black?I thought you were still trying to forget him.""I don't need to forget him because I married Roman,Mrs.Fern."

"How did that happen?"I told her everything from the begining and how everything actually is.I filtered nothing.I told her literally everything.

"Now,I need your help.""You shouldn't have cut on your medication until I told you so,Cordelia.I am writing you a brand new prescription.Different meds.But nothing to worry about."

"How am I supposed to get the meds here?I'm in Japan.""I'll e-mail you.Find someone who knows English in a pharmacy.They should figure it out."

I nodded."Try going back to your hobbies.Distract your mind from focusing on the bad.You need to focus on the good and you need to keep having sessions with me.Please,promise me."

"I promise,Mrs.Fern.Thank you.I sent you my mail."She nodded and we hung up.

"You take meds?"I jumped out of my place and fell back on the ground as I stumbled backwards."I don't like being away from you but you need to stay away."

My phone chimed and I took a deep breath."Could you get them for me?"He got my phone and turned to me.I turned my head the other way around immediately.

"I'm tired of not being able to look into your eyes,Adele.Bellissima,can't you just try?Once?!"I sobbed."I try every hour of every day!I try to take a glance into your eyes but all I can see is the fury I once saw and it scares me!"

"I would die before I did anything to hurt you.Or say anything to hurt you."I nodded."I know and I'm sorry!I just keep hearing you yelling at me and seeing you hit me when I look into your eyes or hear your voice!"

He went silent."One question.What did I say?"I sniffed."They weren't your words!I know it!They couldn't have been you!You love me!You believe in me.You make me feel like the most important thing in the world.That wasn't you!"

I heard his steps,leaving the cabin we're staying in.I was finally relieved.I took this chance to changed somewhere that isn't a bathroom.

I changed into one of his hoodies.Even though his image and his voice scares me,his smell still brings me comfort on a level that is beyond any of my beliefs.

I laid on the couch and got the blanket over me.But then I was still concerned about him.That's why I got back up and left him a note in case I fell asleep.

"I really am sorry.But I'm really tired and I just want to sleep.You should take the bed tonight.I don't want you to take the couch anymore.I love you. -CAM"

* * *

I came back to find her sleeping on the couch.I saw a note stuck under her phone.It had my initials on it.'RAM' written with her hand writing.

I read her note and...What is it about this girl that I just can't get enough of?Even when we're like this,I know she cares.I could see it when I look at her too.I can know I'm completed just by looking at her.

I noticed her outfit as my gaze slowly went down to her body.That's my hoodie.I pulled her blanket up and carried her back on the bed.I'm fine with the couch.

I leaned in to get her scent.I was miserable without it.I hesitated but I kissed her forehead.When I backed away,I saw how she started smiling in her sleep.

It changed quickly and she started mumbling under her breath.Then she screamed and I had to wake her up."GET AWAY FROM ME!"She his herself under the quilt.

"I'm so sorry.I-I-I'm leaving.Please stop crying.I can't take it anymore."The quilt slowly fell off her and I saw her.The hood on the hoodie was over her head and she had pulled her legs inside the hoodie itself.

"I just didn't want you to sleep on the couch,especially not for me.""But I love you."I sighed."I know.I know,you do.Even when we're like this,you tell me every day."

"I want to be able to look at you,Roman.""I know,baby.I know you do.I'm leaving,now.Alright?"I saw her nod and left.I called my mother after I got out.

"Don't try and hide it,mother,I know she asked for your help."She sighed."She called her therapist.She just wanted to get help.She's trying so hard,Roman."I groaned.

"Looking at her is enough but you know how greedy I am,mother.I don't know what to do."She waited."Roman,all you need to do is be there.Simplest yet the best thing anyone can ever do for the one they care about."

I sighed."You're right.Thanks,mother.""Just give her the space she needs and let her get close to you."I took her advice.