I let you go (Complete)

V

I'm done with everything, when she went into the room, I tried to sleep but couldn't, I couldn't sleep at night anymore, I was never like this before, why I'm so exhausted, why I feel like I have no one, why I feel like I'm alone from the start to the end, my thoughts were racing in my mind, I stood up and walked to the balcony, the moon was shining brightly, but why my world was gloomy, I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, saw beer, I drink rarely, I remember last time I got drunk when I thought Bucky was dead. When I came back to the balcony, the moon was gone dark clouds were there to replace the moon, soon it started to rain.

While sitting on the balcony and drinking beer, I was thinking about everyone I met in my life and how they all are strangers to me now, Peggy isn't here anymore, Bucky doesn't know me, tony thinks I'm his enemy, I tore avengers apart, Natasha doesn't love me anymore, people and government hate me now. I didn't know why I was crying, but it felt so heavy I really wanted to cry and let this all out, but I can't, I'm not a bad guy, but yeah here I'm, why I didn't die when I was in ice for all those years, I'm so done with this life.....
" No one notices your good deeds even if you are doing them for years, one wrong step, and everyone will notice all your wrong decisions and make you feel like you are the worst person on this planet."

I was feeling thirsty, and it was raining heavily outside, when I was going to the kitchen, I noticed Steve wasn't on the couch, I got worried for a moment but I thought maybe he will be in the bathroom when I got free from the kitchen, I went again to the lounge but he wasn't in here yet, when I saw that the door to the balcony was opened and making noise due to rain, I went to close it and thought that I should call Steve to check where he is when I saw him, sitting on the corner stair, had a beer in his hand and he was crying.

He was crying.....

I wanted to hug him, make him comfortable with me, make him warm the way I used to do before, tears escaped my eyes too, he wasn't this broken before, and he can't cry or be vulnerable in front of anyone because yeah we are or he is a superhero, but he is a human as well, I can't imagine how hard things are on him and how he is bearing this all. He was already sick but seeing him like this drinking beer and crying just broke me and I couldn't stop myself.

Steve, I asked. My voice broke.
He looked at me, wiping tears from his eyes and cleaning his face with his hands.
Hmm, he said. Why are you here, can't sleep again?
Why are you here? isn't you had a temperature a few hours ago, you should be sleeping and you are drinking waohh!
I couldn't sleep, Nat!
The way he said Nat, I just went close to him, sat beside him, held his hand, what is bothering you, Steve? You can share, I'm here, I suggested.
Nothing is right and I have so much in my mind, things are now uncomfortable...
Things will get better, don't be hard on yourself Steve, I can't see you like this...
Do you still love me? He asked.
I got shocked for a while, what? I said.
You don't right? I'm not worthy of love anymore, I'm not worthy of anything, I'm not worthy to call myself a good friend, a good fellow, or a good...
He stopped, he let his hand out from mine, Natasha, just go to bed, try to sleep, I'm gonna do the same.