Maybe or Maybe Not....

Let it all go

Enjoy : )

Meredith's POV:
              It's been two weeks and i have been avoiding Josh and Cormac. I decided to take a break from North Pac because i don't want to see Josh their due to him being the Head of Cardioathic Surgery. So i decided to work at Grey Sloan for a couple weeks. I made sure that Josh was okay with it because i didn't want to upset him, plus i really like him. I've seen Cormac in the halls a couple of times but every time i made sure not to look in his direction and avoid eye contact. I'm pretty sure he's noticed but hasn't said anything about it. Or at least so i thought. I felt someone grab my arm and pull me into an on call room and lock the door. The person turn around and i see Cormac. " What are you doing?" i ask. " Why are you avoiding me?" he asks frustrated. " I-I'm not." i reply. " You are, i can tell when you're lying." he says. " OK, your right i am avoiding you because i have to choose!" i yell. " Choose?" he asks confused. " Josh asked me to pick between you or him and i don't know what to do." i confess. " Well, who do you want to pick?" he asks. " I don't know." i say defeated. "Wow, okay let me make this easy for you, choose him." he says. " What?!" i ask confused. " I'm done Meredith, you never know whether you love me or not, i always wait for you, and I'm done waiting." He says. I just looked at him in shock and felt heartbroken. " Fine okay then, i guess you just made my life easier, Thanks." i say. I start walking trying to hold in the tears. " Wait, Meredith." i hear. I just ignore him and walk out the door.

Cormac's POV:
              I was having a really bad day and Meredith avoiding me was making it worse. So when i pulled her into the on call room and she told me she had to pick, i just talked out loud without thinking about what i was saying. When she started walking away that's when i realized what i said. I tried to call her so i could tell her i didn't mean it but she just kept walking. DAMMIT! I was getting another chance and i still blew it. There's no way i'll ever get her back now. I just stayed their and cried. I lost her again. I had a chance with her and i still ruined it. I hate this. I love her so much and yet i'm the one who hurts her the most. Not just emotionally but also physically. I hurt her to much. I want to be with her. I want to be the one who holds her at night, the one who makes her feel safe and protected. The person who always holds her hand out in public and when she's cold to wrap my jacket around her. I want to be with her all the time. She knows that. Or at least i hope she knows that. She might not even know that after everything. But i'm holding on to hope that she does.

Meredith's POV:
           I asked Josh to come over to my house. I know who i'm going to choose. It was already 6:00pm and the kids were with link and amelia getting ice cream. I heard the doorbell and went down the stairs and saw Josh. I opened the door and welcomed him in. " We need to talk." he says. " Okay, i guess were getting straight to the point." i say. " Who is it, me or him?" he asks. I looked down at my necklace and smiled softly. " Who gave that to you?" josh asked. " Cormac." i say softly. " Oh so it's him." he says. " I don't want it to be, but i love him." i admit. " Okay." he looks upset. I didn't even notice that i was crying. Josh just looks at me and hugs me and kisses my cheek. " You're not mad at me?" i ask. " No, i could never stay mad at you, but you can't help who you love." he says. We pull apart from the hug and he just looks at me and kisses my forehead leaving his lips very close to my nose. " Goodbye." he says and walks out the door. " Goodbye Josh." i whisper and get my keys. I need to go and see Cormac. I need him. He's all i ever needed. Him basically telling me to choose Josh, gave me the answer i needed. That moment i knew it was him. In that moment i wanted Cormac and no one else. He put my happiness before his own. No matter how much he hurt me he always wanted to make sure i was happy. Not many guys do that. It was rare and i need to hold onto that and never let it go. I was not gonna let it all go. I liked Josh but i never felt the way i felt for Cormac towards him. My heart never burned for him. Im pretty sure it never will. I never felt fire for him. I only felt that for Cormac.