A young couple in the heat of their career. Demi and Nick struggle to find the balance of life and working, and starting a family of their own.
This was my first book, so ignore how cheesy and odd it is in some places...
The last month has gone really well! Beckham is growing up way too fast for my liking though. He is 4 months old and still the best baby.
And when I mean really well I mean my family has started to trust me again. So when I would say I'm not hungry they'd ask but don't pester me. They also didn't notice when after meals I would sneak off to the bathroom.
Nick and I have moved into our new home. The only rooms set up are our room, Beckham's room, the living room, Kitchen, and Music room. The other 3 rooms and basement have boxes that have yet to be unpacked.
I have managed to force myself to eat just enough for Beck to still be able to breastfeed. I couldn't be selfish and push his needs aside, just for my body. He was my world and I wanted to help him in every way I can.
It's mid July now so it's hotter than hell outside. Our pool has definitely come in handy. Beck is our little fish, and he is so cute!
I was in the shower lost in my thoughts when I heard Beck crying. I hopped out and wrapped myself in a towel. I ran to him terrified he was hurt.
I saw Nick beat me and had our little boy in his arms. "Mr decided to hit his head on the crib."
"Is my little boy okay?" I asked in a baby voice kissing his head. He looked up and smiled at me so I wiped the few tears shed.
"Okay handsome, be more careful. Mama wants to finish washing her hair!" I kissed his cheek, and then kissed Nick.
I walked back to the bathroom and got back in the shower. After the accident I hurried and was ready in less than 20 minutes.
I walked downstairs to find Nick making breakfast and Beck somewhat helping him. He was mainly just chewing on his hand but hey he is still cute!
"Come here handsome!" I said reaching out for the baby.
Nick said, "Babe I'm too big to get in your arms!"
I laughed and said, "Oh my god just give me our child!"
I got him and he looked pretty tired so I payed on the couch with him on my chest. He was starting to fall asleep so I went on Instagram.
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ddlovato: my entire existence is thanks to you and your dad little man. without the two of you I wouldn't be here.💕
I posted the picture and looked through the comments. A lot of people were talking about how good my body looked.
I always knew it. They all liked me more when I was smaller and I knew it. I had to be good enough for them.
Nick told me breakfast was done so I laid Beck in the packnplay that was in the living room and went to sit down.
"Baby eat your food." Nick said and I realized I had been picking around in it for at least 5 minutes.
"Yeah I'm just tired that's all." I said and forced myself to take a bite.
"Are you Okay Demi?" He asked and that means he had a bad feeling.
"Yeah I'm perfectly fine. Just feel a little sick." I lied smiling up at him.
"Oh that sucks I'm sorry babe!" He said so naïve and innocent.
"It's okay."I said and kissed him quickly.
I forced myself to finish breakfast but snuck off to the bathroom right after.
I hurried in forgetting to lock the door, and shoved my fingers down my throat. I did a few times and it wasn't working.
I sat up on my knees and tried again when I heard the door open.
"Demi..." He said and I looked up at him guilt all over my face.
It was too late now he knew. I couldn't allow myself to have the calories so I stuck them down again aggravated nothing was happening.
He ran to me and wrapped me up holding me back from purging.
"Let me go! Let me the fuck go!" I said crying desperately.
"It's not working! Nick I hate you! Let me go! You are making me fat! Let me go!" I screamed crying and having a panic attack.
"Let me go." I whispered into his chest sobbing.
He stayed silent and just brushed my hair out of my face. I couldn't stop crying and I was feeling so many emotions.
Eventually I calmed down and my breathing steady itself.
"Demi talk to me." Nick said and it was the first thing he said since he found me.
"I'm sorry. I know I'm a failure and I-I know you hate me. I hate me. So just go." I said still crying.
"I'm not ever leaving you. I just want to help."
"I don't fucking want your help Nick! I just want to be pretty!" I screamed.
He picked me up and brought me to our bed. He put me under the covers and laid next to me cuddling me.
"I texted my mom, she is gonna come pick up Beck for a few days." He said.
I couldn't even muster up the strength to say anything to him so I just stayed cuddled up to him sobbing.
"Baby, we don't have to talk about this now. But we will." He said and kissed my head.
I nodded and just continued crying while he held me.
