The Journey to You | D.L.

37.

Maddie and I sat outside letting the crisp cold air hit our faces. I felt like shit but I didn't want to worry anyone. So I just kept it to myself.

After a little while we got cold and went inside. Everyone but my mom was more spread out in the couch now. I walked over to where Nick was and cuddled up to him. Something about him just always made me feel so safe.

I had my head and hand laying on his chest. I looked over towards Dallas and she was holding Beckham. She was making him smile and squeal and it made me smile.

I could be dying and just seeing my little boy happy.... I wouldn't feel a thing. He made everything bad in the world disappear.

"Demi... there are marks on your arm." My dad had said and I looked down.

"Yeah. But I promise I didn't like cut or anything. It's just bruises." I told him and he looked sad and upset but nodded.

"Alright guys dinner is ready." My mom said and I froze for a second.

I looked up at Nick and he nodded and kissed my nose. He held my hand and we slowly walked into the kitchen. The table was already set so we went and sat down.

I sat in between my mom and Nick, and I realized I had made a stupid decision. If I hesitate at all she will notice.

We said grace and everyone dug in. I held onto Nick's hand and picked around in my salad a little bit. It was least calorie fill d thing so I tried to eat it first.

My mom looked over at me so I took a regular sized bite and smiled as I chewed it.

It went like that the rest of dinner and I finished most of it. Beck has started to get fussy so I took him from Eddie who had him at the time, and walked upstairs sorely into my old bedroom to feed him.

I sat on my bed and lifted my shirt and bra. I watched him eat for a little bit but eventually grabbed my phone. I opened Twitter to see what everyone was up to today.

Lovato.demi: guys I have such a bad feeling right now and I don't know why.

Sexyvato: did anyone else notice Demi is wearing sweatshirts a lot again. What if her ED or SH is back?

1992_lovato: I'm officially 3 months clean from self harm!

Seeing that made me smile and I was so proud so I responded.

ddlovato: @1992_lovato I'm so proud of you baby! You are incredible. Stay strong ❤️

There was a knock on the door and I told whoever it was to come in. Dallas walked in and shut the door behind her.

"Hey babygirl." She said. 

"Hey." I said tiredly. She looked down and saw Beck eating but also saw the marks and bruises everywhere.

"You know mom was right. You can see your ribs." She said and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm eating okay? I'm fine." I said hoping she would drop it.

"Why are you suppressing everything? You know it's not gonna help you." She said and I knew she was right.

Beckham had finished eating so I pulled my shirt and bra back and held him cradled against my chest and started burping him.

"Dal... I am so sick of everything. I just want to be happy." I confessed to her.

"I know baby. But that's why you have to go to therapy!" She told me.

"I will once I start feeling better." I told her and she had a worried face.

"Hey How is everything? On a scale of 1-10 pain wise." She asked.

"It's a solid 8. It feels like when dad and his friends would take turns." I told her and tears threatened to fall from both our eyes. "Nick found me. He helped me clean up. But I'm still in so much pain."

"Why don't you take some pain killers?" She asked.

"Dally... I don't want to start all over. I can manage the pain. I don't want to resort to drugs."

"It's not drugs it's medicine."

"For an addict it's the same thing." I told her and she nodded in understanding.

Beck was falling asleep so I laid him down in the bassinet we had left here.

I walked downstairs and Dallas followed me. On the last few steps I slipped. Nick ran over to me.

I looked up at him tears falling because of the pain and he helped me over to the couch. "Baby I'm okay it just hurt. But I'm okay." I told him.

My mom came over and sat next to me worried. "You need to go to the doctor Demetria." She told me and I shook my head.

"No." I said plain and simple.

"She is right I'm making you an appointment for tomorrow morning." Nick said and he made a call.

I gave up on arguing and just tried to lay down on his chest, without hurting myself too much.

Everyone came and laid down and we watched a movie together. There was a scene where the dad was hitting his daughter and I had a few flashbacks so I cuddled more into Nick. Everyone looked at me worried.

I just tried to ignore everything and finish the movie and I walked ended up falling asleep on Nick. I woke up in my childhood bedroom with him next to me, and just fell back asleep.