Battle Scars (bxb)

Chapter 4 - Startup

I stared at Riley, my heart hammering in my chest. I had said it... I did it. Oh god was it a mistake?? He looked so shocked, was he angry at me, was this the end of our friendship I- "Of course not, it was the only right thing to tell him the truth. You did good and... though he does look truly shocked, he doesn't look angry Lynton" Ellie analyzed and I looked at Riley, who was frozen in shock, before he managed to open his mouth and all that came out was "Oh." Nothing more, nothing less... Oh god, he was not happy, not at all! With me, with the situation, with everything, oh god oh god I messed up!

"I-I'm really s-sorry and if y-you don't want me to do an-nything about it I won't and-" I quickly said, trying to minimize the damage I had done just now, but Riley quickly cleared his throat, therefore cutting me off, before he said "Uh no Lynton you... you go ahead. Sawyer deserves to be happy as well and... I know you can give him that. I'm ok, don't worry about me." I stared at Riley, who was such a good friend, a relatively new one, but still and he... he didn't hate me. He didn't hate me for being mated to his ex, no, he was shocked and it was maybe a bit weird to him, but he didn't forbid me from trying to get my mate... o-oh my god. 

I couldn't help it, tears stared welling in my eyes, out of relief and happiness, but mostly relief with a hint of thankfulness, as Riley looked at me, an awkward smile on his lips. I could see that he was struggling, but that he didn't hate me meant the world to me. I wasn't one to cry easily and I didn't do it now, I had learned not to annoy the people around me with my emotions from a very young age forward and so I held back. It was Asher who broke the silence and decided to ask me the obvious and also break the silence with "Have you tried approaching him yet?" Oh... right, I-I guess I could do that now with Riley's blessing. But... Oh no that sounded absolutely terrifying! Approaching your mate, approaching Sawyer, oh lord!

"No... no I waited for Riley's approval. Thank you so much I- this means the world to me. But I mean, who knows, maybe he won't even like me. Anyway... I will see you later and... I just need a minute" I smiled shyly, because I needed a moment to calm down, I felt very uncomfortable showing these kinds of emotions in front of other people, even if those were my closest friends, but it was just... I was taught not to, ok? Asher and Riley nodded, both having a soft smile on their lips and I knew that Riley would probably need a while to get used to this, but he didn't refuse my request, he didn't tell me to fuck off and not go near his ex and he was genuine about it. That he showed that it was still awkward for him reassured me that only more. 

I quickly hurried past everybody and towards the door to the garden, where not a lot of people were, since it was cold outside, January could do that here, and I needed to breath. I sat down on the armrest of one of the chairs outside, staring to the ground. Wow... I had the approval of the one person I craved it the most from, before I could even think about getting my mate to like me... getting Sawyer to like me. But now I-... I had it. I could do it, I could- but how? I wasn't used to this. Of course I have had crushes in the past, everybody does, but I never ever did anything about it. 

The first guy I ever liked was one of the guards down in the basement where they kept me... where my old pack kept me for all of my young life until I was eight years old and somehow escaped. He wasn't as bad as the others and maybe that was why I liked him. Most of the guards used me as well, took their anger and frustration out on me when the alpha wasn't around or anybody a rank above them, like the beta, who I hated almost more than the alpha for... for reasons that still send cold shivers down my spine. But 034... he wasn't like that. I only knew their numbers, since the alpha didn't care to learn their names and when they were around me, they didn't call each other many names, except for 'hey man, dude, bro...' stuff like that. 

034, he wasn't specifically nice to me, but he also didn't hurt me, if he didn't have to. He just stood and watched that I didn't escape. He would bring me food and water with a very cold expression, but I could feel his kindness. He was still young, maybe eighteen or nineteen years old, I was about six back then. I don't know if it was actually a crush or if I just like the only person that wasn't brutal to me. But anyway, I didn't dare to say anything!